


Crossroads

by Philomena85



Category: Alex Verus Series - Benedict Jacka
Genre: Alex lost his magic, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Slow Burn, Trauma, additional tags to be added later, apprenticeship pt. 2, cutting ties with one's past isn't easy, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21537469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philomena85/pseuds/Philomena85
Summary: After what happened to him when he was apprenticed to Richard Drakh, all Alex wants do to is get away from mage society - completely and permanently. He even succeeds in getting rid of his magic and starts working in a bookshop. Everything seems to be fine...until one day a very handsome and polite man enters the shop. Alex feels like he's seen him before, but he can't remember - until this man makes an offer that leaves Alex terrified as never before...
Relationships: Morden/Alex Verus, Mordex
Comments: 40
Kudos: 16
Collections: Crossroads AU (Alex Verus)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Weltatlas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weltatlas/pseuds/Weltatlas) for coming up with the title - without you I would still be brooding over this question...<3

'Alex, there's a customer! Would you mind the counter, please?'

'On my way!'

I walked over to the front of the shop where a dark-haired man in his thirties was waiting.

'Good morning, how can I help you?'

'Good morning...well I'm searching for...a travel guide about Wales, do you have something like that in stock?'

'Yeah, sure. If you'd like to follow me, please?'

I showed him what the shop had to offer and gave him the opportunity to browse through the books while I watched him discreetly. He had the smooth looks of a politician, wearing a dark-grey suit that matched his eyes and an intriguing smile on his lips. Altogether, he appeared quite handsome, but I couldn't fight the feeling that I knew him – which, considering my past, wasn't a good sign at all. And it really started to bother me that I couldn't figure out why he seemed so familiar to me.

'Ever been to Wales?'

'I'm sorry?'

I had been too distracted to listen closely, but he didn't seem to mind; he just smiled and repeated his question.

'I was asking if you have ever been to Wales.'

'Erm...no,' I lied, not keen on discussing the topic any further. 'Is there anything else I can do for you, Sir?'

'No, thank you.'

His smile got even brighter although he must have noticed that something was wrong with me; but maybe this _was_ the reason he was smiling so much.

'That's 7.99£, please.'

He handed me a 10£ note and told me to keep the rest, turned around again to wave at me after he said goodbye and left. I kept staring at the door, even after he was long gone.

'Alex?'

My colleague's voice and her hand on my shoulder woke me from my daydream.

'Yeah, sorry, I was...never mind, I'll be checking the deliveries...'

'Do you know him?'

'No – why are you asking?'

'Oh, just because...'

She smiled, but didn't answer my question, then she turned round on her heel and disappeared to the back of the shop.

*

When I got home that evening, all I could think of was the customer I had served this morning. My thoughts had returned to him all day, but I hadn't been able to figure out why he seemed so familiar to me. If he was someone from...well, _back then_ , I shouldn't be thinking about him twice. I had put these things behind me and I didn't want to be confronted with them ever again – what had happened to me was too painful to remember. I curled up on my bed, trying to force back the memories, but the more I tried, the harder it got. Those past experiences were the reason why I worked as an auxiliary at the bookshop now, earning just enough money to pay the rent for my tiny flat – well, sometimes I couldn't even afford that. Reclaiming my old position wasn't an option, though.

When I was 14 years old, I figured out that I wasn't like other kids my age at all – I possessed certain skills I didn't understand back then, like knowing things before they happened. At first, I had only been able to see a flicker of future situations that might become dangerous for me, for example a ball thrown in my direction by children playing in the street that would have hit my head – those precognitions became more frequent the older I got and started to involve other people and their behaviour towards me. It was not like being able to read their thoughts, but if they had made a decision, I knew what they would do and could react adequately.

At 17, when I was in my last year of school, a man addressed me, told me that this ability I owned was called divination and that people like us were called mages. He asked me to become his apprentice, promised me to teach me everything I needed to know and told me how powerful I could become if I followed him on what he called the True Path – I agreed without giving it a second thought. This man's name was Richard Drakh and he was a Dark mage. I lived with him and three other apprentices in his mansion in Wales and learned everything about magic and mage society, I attended social events, participated in duels and competitions and even learned how to dance. Everything seemed to be fine – until I discovered that being apprenticed to a Dark mage wasn't just about learning and practising to become more powerful, but about doing things for your master that could be considered shady at the very least. Like the other three, I took part in those things, not challenging my master's orders – until I saw people being hurt or even dying because of what we, what _I_ did.

I had been Richard's apprentice for one and a half year when I tried to get away. I deceived him – and I paid a bitter penance for my betrayal. He locked me up in a cell beneath his mansion and had me tortured by Tobruk, one of my fellow apprentices, in order to make me return to the True Path, but I refused. I finally managed to escape after almost a year – broken both physically and emotionally, but at least still alive. I fled to London to seek out the Council of Light mages for support – and was turned away not only by them, but by every single mage I knew. Nobody was willing to help me. The Light mages didn't want to put the fragile truce between them and the Dark mages at risk only because of an apprentice who was treated badly by his master while the Dark mages considered me a traitor. Additionally, one of them must have told Richard that I was currently staying in London, since it didn't take him more than two days to sent Tobruk in order to kill me. It was only due to my divination that I found out in time before he could finish me off – instead, I killed him in self-defence. It had been necessary and I knew it was the right thing to do after all he'd done to me in the past year, but when I took his life, something deep inside of me broke. I realised that I couldn't go on living like this any longer. My divination had saved my life more than once – but it had also made me a murderer. Without it, Catherine Traviss and her boyfriend would still be alive. Instead, the boy had been killed by Tobruk just because he had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, while she had suffered a fate so terrible that even thinking about it made my heart sink. And I had been the one who had lured the other apprentices to the place where those two were hiding, not wasting much thought about what would happen to them once we got hold of them. When I finally realised what I'd done it had already been too late and my poor attempts to make up for it only resulted in my own imprisonment. Even if I didn't kill them myself, it was my fault they were dead. I would never be able to atone for what I had done, but giving up the power that had made it all possible seemed to be a good place to start.

During my apprenticeship I had heard of mages who had abandoned their powers, so I knew it was possible. But it wasn't an easy thing to do. It's not like I could have decided to just stop looking into the future – well, in fact, I could have done that, but turning off my precognition as a whole was something completely different. This wasn't a skill I used willingly, it sort of happened to me. In the past few years I had learned to control these visions, ordering them to my will. Regarding what the other mages, both Dark and Light ones, had done to me, I didn't want to be involved with the magical society ever again and because of that, all I wanted was to make my visions go away – completely and permanently. Getting there would take time, but I had more pressing problems at that time – for example, I had nowhere to go. All my belongings had been in my former bedroom in Richard's mansion and since I hadn't been the most sociable person on earth before I left London, I didn't have friends either.

In sheer desperation, I went to my father's house. Our relationship had always been...well, complicated, but he allowed me to move in with him until I found a job and a place to live. We barely talked, because I couldn't tell him the truth about my time as Richard's apprentice while he seemed to think that I had been working for some kind of criminal organisation – the fact that he despised every form of violence didn't make things easier although I didn't dare telling him about Tobruk. I was glad when I got a job as an auxiliary at the bookshop and was finally able to pay the rent for a tiny flat on the other side of town. I felt a little unwell when I moved in; something I initially thought was due to the fact that it was the first time I lived on my own and I just wasn't used to that. Additionally, the whole area didn't make me feel safe at all, it was crowded and dirty, with broken windows and junkies shooting up in ill-lit house entrances, but it was the only home I could afford. My father didn't even ask for my address; I could see that he was happy to get rid of me, although I had always done my best to please him since I was a little child, but for him, it was never enough. Still, I didn't find the strength to stop competing for his love, knowing full well that this was a battle I could never win. He would never be proud of me, no matter how hard I tried, and the fact that I was his only child seemed to add to that disappointment. When I was standing on his doorstep, saying goodbye, he handed me six 50 £ notes to 'get some stuff' for my flat before he held out his hand. I would have loved to hug him, just this once, but he obviously did have other plans. A few minutes later, I stared at the closed front door while he had supposedly already returned to his study. We haven't met ever since.

As time went by, I slowly succeeded in reducing the impact of divination on my everyday life. Of course, I was tempted more than once – just a short glance at the future, especially when I was on my way home from work and had to pass people who seemed anything but friendly... Living in an area like this should have been a good indicator that robbing me wouldn't be a successful act at all, but I didn't believe that someone who's thoughts were revolving around nothing but the next fix would care about that. Still, I was able to withstand the temptation and instead started reading books about self-defence and martial arts. I also made a habit of running for at least an hour every morning to enhance my condition. After a few months I felt well-prepared for whatever – or whoever – might get in my way and the desire to use my powers was almost gone. Even my visions had started to vanish slowly; their frequency had decreased and whenever one of them struck me, it was blurred, like watching something through a veil, which made it easier to ignore them. It felt as if my refusal to use my power had weakened my ability to do so in general. It had been quite an effort, shutting down the images that kept coming up, but being a diviner for years had taught me how to handle those things and it didn't take long until I finally managed to get rid of them completely. I was ready to start over again and looking forward for things to come. Keeping this in mind, I finally fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a tiny bell right above the entrance, ringing every time someone opened the door. When I had started working at the shop I had deemed it absolutely outdated, but in the course of time I had grown to like the sound it made. Now I looked up immediately whenever that little bell rang, surreptitiously hoping against all hope that it would be _him_ entering the shop. It never was. In fact, it took him three days to return, but then he headed for me straight away as soon as he saw me standing behind the counter.

'Hey there,' he said with a smile on his lips.

'Good morning,' I greeted him happily, 'I was already wondering if you'd be coming back.'

'How did you know I wasn't just a tourist dropping by to plan my next holiday?'

'You don't look like one.'

'Oh, so you're judging people by how they look like?' he teased.

'I think I've acquired a certain insight into human nature over the years, so...yes, sometimes the way people look and act tells me a lot about them.'

The man smirked.

'Sounds as if you'd be able to predict the future as well.'

The smile froze on my lips and I turned away from him as if I'd realised only now that a pile of books on the display had been messed up and I hurried over to put them back into order.

'Did I say something wrong?'

He followed me, but stopped a few steps away from me. Cursing myself for having been so rude to a customer who had only been making a joke I tried to make up for it as soon as possible.

'No, it's just...never mind. I'm sorry. How can I help you today?'

He cleared his throat and started looking around as if searching for something.

'Well, I was wondering if you had...'

'Yes?' I asked with raised eyebrows, 'Are you searching for a certain genre, or author, or...'

'Do you also have gay literature?' he blurted out.

'Sure, if you'd like to follow me?'

I lead him up to the first floor of the shop and to the shelf where everything LGBT related was stored.

'Are you searching for anything in particular? We've got quite a few different genres in stock, crime, romance, fantasy or...well... _special interest_...'

I had to stifle a laugh when I saw him blushing.

'Romance would be fine...'

I browsed through the shelf for a few seconds before I handed him a 600 page novel.

'This one's nice. It's a slow burn love story set in Victorian England. A few scenes are rather cheesy, but if you're into historical fiction you might like it, since it's very well-written and you appear to be someone who puts emphasis on those things.'

'So you read it yourself?'

'Well, yeah...,' I admitted, slightly turning my head to avoid his gaze.

'Anything else you would recommend? Since you seem...familiar with this genre?'

I was startled; had he just given me a wink?

Now it was my time to clear my throat.

'Yes, I think I am...though it depends on what kind of literature you prefer, I'm not that picky as long as the book's well-written, I just don't read thrillers and stuff like that...'

'Oh, I would have thought that crime and suspense would be right up your street, no offence, but you're an intelligent young man, books about solving crimes and mysteries just seemed to fit.'

'I do read books like that – as long as they aren't about people being tortured or brutally murdered, there's so much violence everywhere nowadays, I really don't need that in my free time, too.'

'Sure, I'm all with you on this one. So you're...more of a romantic type?'

'Uhm, I...'

'I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you feel uneasy, I was just referring to your taste concerning books. It's really nice talking to someone who's at home in this subject. I think I'll go with that one,' he explained, holding up the novel I had given to him, 'I'm pretty sure I'll be coming back, maybe you can make some recommendations again next time.'

'Of course, that's why I'm here.'

'I'm already looking forward to it.'

'Me too.'

He left for the checkout, while I remained standing in front of the shelf, wondering what this conversation had been about – apart from books. He had been smiling all the time and seemed to agree to everything I said and bought the book I recommended without hesitation.

'He really likes you, don't you think?'

I jumped.

'Chris! Could you please stop that?'

'Not my fault you've been daydreaming again,' my colleague answered, patting my shoulder, 'Did you manage to get his number?'

'Why should I...?'

'Oh, come on...I know these looks.'

'What looks?'

'Those looks you two have been exchanging all the time while talking about gay romance.'

'Have you been spying on me?'

'No, I'd never do something like that...now, did he give you his number?'

'Of course not!'

'Did you give him _your_ number?'

'Chris!'

'Alright, alright...just asking...But he'll come back soon?'

'I don't know...'

The smile on his face faded.

'Oh...it really seemed you liked each other...'

'I don't even know him!'

'Well, get to know him, then! You _do_ like him, don't you?'

I didn't know how to answer that question. Did I? I enjoyed talking to him, I liked the sound of his voice, his polite way of speaking - and he was very handsome indeed with his dark hair, his grey eyes and the tailored suits he had worn both times he had visited the shop.

'Yes, I...think I do. But that doesn't me he's taking an interest in me too. I mean – just look at me, why would someone like him be interested in someone like me?'

Chris snorted.

'Yeah, why would anyone do that? Hey, Alex, I've got news for you – you're smart, you're good-looking and you just recommended a gay novel to him, if that isn't enough to draw attention to you then I don't know what is.'

'I don't understand what that book's got to do with the whole thing?'

'How many straight men are reading gay novels, what do you think?'

'I have no idea, some of them?'

'I think the odds are in your favour that he might in fact be interested in men.'

'Even if he was, it doesn't mean that he's interested in _me._ And what makes you even think that I would crave his attention?'

'You just said you liked him, didn't you?'

'...which doesn't mean that-'

'Chris, Alex, would you mind coming over for a minute?'

We both turned around to Lucy, the manager of the shop and followed her to the seating area located in the children's books section.

'Since it's International Children's Book Day next Tuesday, we plan on providing some activities for the kids and I'm still searching for one or two people who'd like to read stories to them. Any volunteers?'

Julie raised her hand immediately; I followed suit when I saw that nobody else wanted to take on the task.

'Great, thank you. Alex, you haven't been here yet when we did this last year, so if you have any questions, just ask. By the way, are you okay with wearing a costume for that occasion?'

'What exactly is it you're thinking of?'

'Well, Julie dressed up as a witch last year-'

'And I'll definitely do it again this year!' she laughed.

'It's completely up to you, it should just be something one would recognise at first sight. Maybe you'd like to portray something that matches Julie's witch costume, like...I don't know, maybe a wizard?'

I felt my face turn pale.

'No,' I muttered, 'I'd rather go for something else.'

'That's fine, it's completely up to you. Again, thanks to both of you. Well, back to work then, I suppose!'

*

_'I remember him as if it were yesterday, as he came plodding to the inn door, his sea-chest following behind him in a hand-barrow; a tall, strong, heavy, nut-brown man; his tarry pigtail falling over the shoulders of his soiled blue coat; his hands ragged and scarred, with black, broken nails; and the sabre cut across one cheek, a dirty, livid white. I remember him looking round the cove and whistling to himself as he did so, and then breaking out in that old sea-song that he sang so often afterwards: "Fifteen men on the dead man's chest -Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!" in the high, old tottering voice that seemed to have been tuned and broken at the capstan bars.'_

Fitted with black trousers, a white frilled shirt, a dark blue velvet coat with brass buckles and a plastic sabre tied to my hip with a leather belt, I sat on a wooden chest and read from Stevenson's _Treasure Island_ ; the only thing that didn't match my costume were the reading specs I've been needing lately. A bunch of older children was assembled around me and listened to the adventures of Jim Hawkins and Long John Silver while the younger ones sat in a semi-circle around Julie who read fairy tales to them in the other corner of the room. After I finished the chapter, I looked up with a grin as I recognised that they hung unto my every word. I wasn't used to being admired like that, but I found I liked it. I let my eyes wander over my audience and asked them if they wanted to know how the story continued. They affirmed with excitement, but then I saw the one person who was about twice as old as the others and my wide grin changed into a soft smile.

'Okay then, here we go!'

About half an hour later the crowd had scattered and only the man who had leaned against one of the bookshelves while I was reading was still there.

'You really know how to enthral children, do you?'

'Well, I'm not much older than they are,' I smiled, although this wasn't exactly the truth. 'And I've always loved pirate stories when I was a kid, so I thought I'd give it a try.'

'You don't have children yourself, then?'

'Me? Hell, no.'

'Sounds as if you wouldn't want any, either? Well, you're still young, maybe this'll change.'

'No. I'm pretty sure it won't.'

For a split second he looked at me as if he'd ask me why, but then he seemed to have changed his mind; I was glad that I didn't have to lie to him once again, since I couldn't tell him that I was too afraid that I might pass my magical abilities on to my descendants, could I?

'You look great,' he stated, approvingly beholding my outfit.

'You don't look bad either,' I answered.

He was dressed more casually today, wearing grey trousers, a plain shirt, a wool coat and a dark blue scarf around his neck.

'We match,' I added with a grin, pointing at his scarf and my likewise coloured coat.

'It suits you much better,' he replied, taking it off and putting it gently around my neck, 'Keep it, it's cold outside.'

'I really can't accept this...,' I stammered, but he just smiled and turned to leave.

'You can. Would be a pity if you'd get a cold and ruined that remarkable voice of yours...Goodbye!'

'You're leaving already?'

For a moment he seemed to be lost in thought, but then he sighed and shrugged slightly.

'I'd love to stay a little bit longer, but I'm already late for an appointment. But I'm sure we'll meet again quite soon.'

'That would be nice,' I muttered while I watched him heading for the door, 'And thank you for the scarf!'

He smiled kindly.

'You're welcome.'


	3. Chapter 3

My favourite customer, as I secretly called him by now, already returned the next day, two paper cups in his hands. I hurried over before Julie would see him.

'Good morning – I'm so sorry, but if my colleague catches you with those beverages inside the shop she'll probably throw you out right away, so... could you please...'

He started to laugh at my stammering and handed one of the cups to me.

'I just wanted to get you something to drink – it should be alright because your colleague can't throw _you_ out, right?' he grinned. 'By the way, are you okay with coffee?'

'Well, I actually prefer tea, but coffee's fine too...'

Smiling even brighter, he took the cup from my hand and passed me the other one.

'There you go.'

'You... did you really...?'

I stared at him, completely stunned.

'You're welcome. Say...'

Putting the other cup down on the counter, he started searching the briefcase he was carrying for something. Removing a stack of papers from it and balancing them on one arm, he kept on searching, furrowing his brow. I saw the papers slipping, but it was too late – they scattered on the floor before I was able to catch them. Squatting down I helped him picking them up.

'Who would have seen that coming?' he remarked and looked at me. 'Thank you.'

'You wanted to ask something?'

'Well, yes... I just forgot what it was... Age is beginning to tell, I suppose...'

He laughed and, giving me a conspirational wink, took a sip of his coffee.

'Maybe I should really leave with this,' he said, holding up his cup, 'I don't want to get barred from the shop for spilling my coffee.'

'I'd feel really bad for having you get out into the cold while I'm drinking my tea inside, so... there's a sofa with a table in the children's book section, we could go and sit there if you like...'

'I'd love to,' he replied with a smile and followed me upstairs.

We sat down next to each other; from the corner of my eye I could see Chris watching, but I didn't really care about that any more. He'd drawn his conclusions back when he saw us discussing gay literature, so I could enjoy the conversation without thinking about what he might say later just as well. Speaking of gay literature...

'Did you already start reading the book I recommended to you last time?'

'I finished it last night.'

'You finished it in, what, less than a week?'

'I really enjoyed it,' he shrugged, 'But I'll need something new to spend my lonely evenings with, so I might need your help again...'

'We're still talking about books, are we?'

We both roared with laughter until I saw Chris approaching, watching us curiously. I cleared my throat.

'Same genre?'

'If you don't mind?'

'Why should I mind?' I asked with a wink and went over to the shelf, drew out a few books and returned to the sofa, spreading them out on the table in front of him and telling him what they were about while I sipped my tea. It was strong and sweet, just the way I liked it.

'This one's got some more... mature content, I don't know if you like to read something like that too? Maybe to brighten up one of your... _lonely evenings_?'

He grabbed the book unusually fast and flipped through it.

'I think that'll do.'

Showing his teeth in a wide smile, he placed it right beside him while he continued examining the other books. With a faint sigh, he piled them up on the sofa as well.

'I really hope you get some kind of commission – I'll take all of them.'

'I think I should talk to the store manager about your idea,' I replied, 'Is there anything else you are searching for?'

'Well, in fact there is, but... it might sound rather stupid.'

'I'm pretty sure it won't. Just ask.'

'Erm... do you also have books about... I don't know... tarot cards or... divination in general?'

I wasn't sure if I was just imagining things, but the way he pronounced the word _divination_ made my blood run cold. Trying to maintain my composure, I decided to ignore the uneasy feeling that tried to get hold of me and made my voice sound as unbiased as possible.

'Sorry, but you surely know that there's no such thing as divination, this is just something people made up because they are scared of the future - those who believe in something like that usually suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder and can't stand the fact that they can't control every single aspect of their lives. But if you _really_ want a book about tarot cards....'

I smiled mockingly and pointed at a shelf with esoteric stuff like the aforementioned books, but the customer shook his head with a broad grin on his lips.

'I was just... asking for a friend, you know?'

'Yeah, alright. Try reading tea leaves next time, but be careful in case you'll recognise the Grim - you don't want to die, do you?'

'The- excuse me...?'

'Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought someone who asks for books about divination might have read Harry Potter as well...'

'Did you?'

'If you work in a book shop you should at least know some of the most popular books, so yeah, I read them.'

'Because you had to or because you are interested in that kind of literature? Wizards and stuff like that?'

'I'll rather stick to more realistic things if I have the choice, but I read them when I was younger...' I answered, maybe a little bit too hesitantly, judging by the challenging look he gave me.

'I also prefer something like this, to be honest,' he said, pointing at the pile of books on the sofa.

'Seems we've got something in common, then.'

'Good to know,' he purred with his deep voice and the fear that had gripped me only a few minutes ago was gone.

I would have loved to take heed of Chris's advice to write down my mobile number and pass it on to this handsome man, but I couldn't work up the courage to do so and simply kept up the conversation until he made his farewells and left for the checkout, leaving me frustrated and cursing my shyness. I really had to work on that.

When I walked home that evening, the temperature had almost hit freezing point and so I was very grateful for the scarf I had been given yesterday. Wrapping it around the lower half of my face, I could still catch a whiff of his after shave; only when I realised that I had been pressing the soft fabric against my face for almost a minute now, breathing in the warm and strangely familiar scent, I let go and hurried to the nearest tube station to get out of the cold.

Back home, I had just made myself comfortable on the sofa with a book when a sudden knock on the door made me look up. For a few seconds I lay still and waited for whoever was standing outside to go away, but the rapping only grew louder.

'Sheridan, open the door, I know you're there!'

Recognising the voice as well as the false name I had used when I signed the contract, I hurried over to face my landlord.

'Mr Flannery...'

'Oh, so you still remember? Good. Because you obviously forgot to pay last month's rent. I'm here to collect it.'

I shuffled my feet.

'Well, um... I didn't get my pay check yet and so I'm a bit tight on cash right now... Give me one more week, will you?'

'When will you get paid?'

'End of the week.'

'I'll be back on Saturday evening – by then you'll either have the money or you'll leave.'

'You'll get your money, Mr Flannery.'

'I've already been wondering how you'd manage to pay for this flat with that small income of yours.'

'I'll talk to my boss or try to get another job, just... don't kick me out. Please, I don't have anywhere else to go.'

'Sorry, but that's not my problem, mate. I can't make a living here by playing the Good Samaritan. You either pay or you'll leave. See you on Saturday.'

I closed the door and leant against it, sliding down to the floor and burying my face in my hands. How should I ever manage to fulfil his demand within five days? It was true that I was to get paid by the end of the week, but my salary wouldn't hold out for both the rent and everything else you'd usually need to make a living. For the last months I had been taking what was left from the money my father gave me when I moved out, but by now even that had been used up. I simply didn't know what to do now. When I turned my back on the magical world I thought that everything would become easier, that I wouldn't have to worry about every little detail of my life any more; now the contrary was the case. I never would have guessed that one day I'd have to decide between having a roof over my head and having enough to eat to stay alive; I didn't have to care for things like that all by myself ever before – not even when I had been Richard's prisoner, I thought bitterly. Not knowing what to do otherwise, I went to bed.

*

The next day I braced up and walked over to the store manager. If she couldn't help me I didn't know what else to do.

'Lucy, do you have a minute? I need to talk to you.'

'Sure, what's up?'

'Do you think it would be possible for me to work some additional shifts?'

'Well, maybe two or three, in the evening if that's okay for you...'

'Per week?'

She started to laugh.

'Hell, no! Per month!'

'That won't do,' I replied, frustrated.

'Would you mind telling me what's wrong?'

'My landlord is going to kick me out because I can't afford to pay the rent any longer.'

'Oh, I'm so sorry... I'd really like to help you, but I can't pay you over the odds, you're just an auxiliary after all...'

'I'm not asking you for a pay rise, that's out of question. I just thought I could start working full-time...'

'Alex, I'd love to help you, I really do, but I just don't know how, you don't have the required qualification for this... But you're smart, you're diligent, I'm sure you'd be able to find a job with better pay-'

'You're firing me?!'

'No, of course not, I'm just saying that you don't have to do this if it results in you losing your home...'

'I'm sorry... never mind me asking, okay?'

'If there's anything I can do for you...?'

'No, thanks, I'm fine...'

I went over to sort and shelve the new deliveries, but that cold feeling of anxiety I had felt for the last two days just wouldn't go away. I didn't know what to do; I only had three days left to pay the last month's rent, otherwise I would have to leave my flat. And let's face it – I wouldn't find a new one in the short run and I couldn't return to my father's house either.

When I came home that night, I stared out of the window for almost an hour, thinking about the imminent future. I had promised myself to never use my divination again, but right now I couldn't think of any other way to solve my problems. I closed my eyes and concentrated, searching for the possible futures to unfold in front of me – but nothing happened. There was only darkness and the distant noise of the DLR outside my window. I tried path-walking, making myself think of specific situations, like talking to my landlord or applying for another job to see what would happen if I did those things, but again, nothing happened. There were images of conversations and job interviews, but they were completely different from what I had experienced in the past and I knew that what I saw wasn't the future but something I only made up using my imagination. I had lost it. My magic was gone and I was pretty sure I wouldn't get it back, no matter how hard I tried. This was what I had wanted all the time, but now it only added to the desperation I felt. While I looked at the dark sky outside, my stomach started growling and I suddenly remembered that I hadn't eaten anything for almost two days – and I wouldn't eat anything today either, since my fridge was empty and I couldn't afford to buy any groceries. Staring at the railway tracks in the distance, illuminated by the pale light of the full moon, I realised that I was all on my own. No-one would help me. Dark thoughts I believed to have put aside years ago entered my mind. If I just vanished from the face of the earth, never to be seen again – would there be anybody who'd miss me? Given how fucked up my life was, would anyone even _notice_? Curling up on my bed I cried myself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Morning came; I got up and went to work, yawning all the time because I'd only slept for a few hours. I didn't talk much and my colleagues started to worry. They asked me if I wanted to take a break or if it wouldn't be better if I headed home again, trying to get some rest. I refused over and over again, but I was really grateful when Lucy offered me a cup of tea.

Around noon, _he_ came into the shop once again. He smiled when he saw me, but approaching, he seemed to have noticed how tired I looked and the smile faded.

'Is anything wrong?' he asked without further greeting and eyed me suspiciously.

'No, I'm... fine,' I lied, trying but failing to fake a smile.

'You look tired,' he stated, 'And your hands are shaking. Is there anything I can do for you?'

'No, thank you, everything's alright... How may I help you?'

'When do you take your lunch break?'

'I don't take a break today. Why do you ask?'

'I'd like to take you out for lunch if that's okay for you.'

'No, thank you, but I really shouldn't...'

Again, my stomach growled and I averted the man's gaze, too ashamed to look at him. I didn't want him to pity me.

'You should. I'd like to express my gratitude for your help in the past weeks.'

'I'm just doing my job..,' I objected weakly, although I already wanted to accept his offer, if only because I actually _was_ hungry.

He didn't give up and watched me expectantly.

'Please?'

I sighed, but his pleading gaze and his charming smile made it almost impossible to reject his offer.

'Okay. Give me five minutes to fetch my coat and tell my colleagues I'm taking a break.'

'I'll be waiting outside. Take your time, but don't leave me waiting forever.'

He gave me a wink and left the shop.

*

'Where do you like to eat? Bill's on me, by the way.'

'You really don't have to do that...,' I muttered and could already feel my cheeks blushing.

'I know I don't have to. But I want to. You're okay with Italian food?'

'Of course. Thank you, Mister...?'

'Just call me Thomas, if you like.'

'Alexander,' I replied, 'But most people call me Alex.'

I held out my hand, which he shook just a little longer than seemed appropriate for two strangers.

'I know,' he smiled.

'How do you...?'

'Your colleague called you that when I came to the shop to get that travel guide.'

'And you still remember my name?'

'Of course.'

His smile broadened and he slightly touched my shoulder, directing me to an Italian restaurant not far from where I worked.

I ordered pasta and started shoving the food into my mouth as soon as the plate was placed in front of me. Only when I had finished my meal, I looked up and realised that my benefactor was still engaged with the first slice of his pizza. Deeply embarrassed, I put down my fork and stared at the empty plate. This man had been so kind to me and I hadn't even managed to contain myself and savour the food.

'I'm sorry,' I murmured, averting his gaze.

'Don't be. I'm glad you actually _did_ eat something. Don't get this wrong, but regarding your height you're alarmingly thin. Maybe you should make a habit of eating regularly.'

'I wish I could.'

'But at the moment you can't afford it, right?'

I only nodded.

'Let me help you then.'

'It is most appreciated, but I don't think there's a way you could help me. I'll end up at some homeless shelter sooner or later. Well, probably rather soon.'

'What happened?'

'My landlord is kicking me out because I can't pay the rent any more, I can't work additional shifts to earn some extra money and now I don't know what to do, my whole life is falling apart and I have nowhere to go and no-one to turn to.'

Thomas cleared his throat.

'Well, I think I might in fact be able to help you. Although I'm not sure if you'd be willing to accept my offer.'

'What is it you're offering me?'

'You certainly remember me asking if you sold books about divination?'

Thinking about that made me feel a little bit nervous again, but I was curious about the reasons he had to bring the topic back up and only smiled.

'Yes. I thought you were out of your mind. But what's that got to do with-'

'Do you also remember that I asked you if you've ever been to Wales? Or my jokes about you being able to foresee the future?'

'Yes, I do.'

I felt my body tense, but I wanted to know what he was up to; after all, I could still refuse whatever he might offer. Thomas looked at me, all of a sudden rather serious.

'I'm offering you to become my apprentice.'

'Your apprentice...?'

I was alert; flashbacks from my past came to my mind. This couldn't be a coincidence. For what felt like the first time since he entered the shop weeks ago, I regarded him intently, mentally comparing his features to those of people I knew from my time with Richard, trying to find a match. He must have noticed my confusion, took a look around and made sure nobody was watching us. With a quick move he held up his hand as if trying to keep me at distance and although I couldn't see its source, I could feel a strong flash of energy radiating from his hand.

When I jumped up, I almost knocked over the chair I had been sitting on. I finally realised why he had seemed so familiar to me all the time – the last time I met him must have been about two years ago, when Richard had taken me to a tournament. This man, who called himself _Thomas_ now, had been there with one of his own apprentices and though I couldn't recollect his name, I still remember how everyone showed respect for him – even Richard.

'You are-'

'I am Mage Morden. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but-'

'You're a Dark mage!' I cried and backed off as soon as I finally recognised the name.

Too distracted to mind my steps in my hurried attempt to get away from him I stumbled and fell, hitting my temple on something hard and edgy. Only seconds later he was by my side, holding out his hand in order to help me get back on my feet. I shook my head frantically and receded further away from him.

'Let me go,' I pleaded as I found myself caught between the back wall of the restaurant and Morden.

'Alex, please, you got that wrong, I never meant to harm you! Will you listen to me? Please?'

'You're not going to make me your slave, I'd rather die!'

He stared at me disbelievingly and backed off as if to ensure me that he wouldn't touch me.

'Alex, I would never even think about that! I want to help you, no more, no less. I'm just offering you to become my apprentice because I don't want your great potential to go to waste. And since you said that you're going to lose your flat anyway, I thought you might as well move into my mansion. But I would never force you to do anything you don't want to do.'

'That's what Richard Drakh said – and as soon as I failed to obey him, I was thrown into a cell and got tortured to make me submit to his will.'

'I'm not Richard. Doing those things to you was wrong, but please don't assume that it means that every Dark mage is like him. If you find that being my apprentice doesn't suit you, I'm okay with that. I just want you to give it a try and to grant me the chance to proof that being a Dark mage doesn't mean being evil in general. In fact, the Light mages didn't help you when you needed them either, did they?'

'How do you know?'

'I only saw you a few times some years ago when you and Richard's other apprentices took part in a tournament, but seeing you fight in those duels made me recognise that you were superior to the other contestants by far. You defeated my former apprentice in less than two minutes although he was a very well-trained death mage. I didn't see you again when the tournament was held the year after and I thought that you had moved on because Richard had taught you everything he knew and you sought out another master who could help you to become even better than you already were, but nobody seemed to have heard from you for a long time. A few months later I had asked some people if they knew of your whereabouts and word had spread that Richard had lost his diviner. Most people assumed you were dead, but I didn't believe it. I had seen the way you used your power and I was sure you were able to survive on your own. I started looking for you, which included talking to certain Council mages. A young men going by the name of Lyle Trahelis told me you were seeking out the Council for help about a year ago because Richard was after you, but he admitted that they turned you down because they didn't want to get involved. I kept on searching. It took me quite some time but in the end I found you.'

He carefully reached out for me and touched my temple, making me flinch; when he withdrew his hand, his fingertips were bloodstained.

'I'll call a doctor, you'll need stitches.'

'No, I don't.'

'Alex, be reasonable.'

I didn't move an inch and kept on glaring at him. He sighed and sat down beside me, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket which he handed to me.

'At least try to stop the bleeding.'

I didn't thank him, but pressed the fabric against the wound.

'What do you want?' I hissed.

'I want you to accept me as your master.'

'No.'

'Why not?'

'Are you actually asking me why I don't want a _fucking Dark mage_ to lay his hands on me ever again?'

'I see.'

Morden sighed, but he didn't get up.

'But you might want to consider one thing – if I could find you, others can too.'

I froze. I had felt quite safe for the last few months, keeping a low profile and staying away from mage society. With my divination gone, I thought no-one would care about me any more. But obviously _he_ did.

'I'd be of no use to you. I've lost my powers.'

'You might regain them.'

'You can't force me to try.'

'Oh, actually I could.'

Again, I felt cold fear rising inside of me. What he said was true; I didn't know exactly how it could work, but I was sure that he'd in fact be able to do that. And I already knew that this would become a very painful experience for me.

'But I would never do that to you.'

I looked up at him suspiciously.

'What's in it for you, then? You're not just doing this out of pure altruism, I suppose.'

'Of course not. As I just said, I don't want your potential to go to waste.'

'Did you even listen? I'm not a diviner any more, I got rid of that _potential_!'

'Well, _right now_ you can't use your magic, but that doesn't mean you will never be able to get it back. You must have had your reasons to abandon this great gift you were born with, but there's still a chance that this is only a temporary condition.'

'No.'

'Why not?'

'Because I don't want to be a diviner any more. It's not a gift, it's a burden. And I'm not willing to bear it.'

Cautiously, I turned my head to Morden, who had remained silent for a while.

'What are you going to do now?' I asked anxiously.

'Nothing.'

'You mean... you let me go?'

'If this is what you want – yes. I just want you to be aware that I might not be the only one who knows that Richard lost his apprentice. And I'm sure you know that diviners are quite rare... You're scared you might end up becoming some Dark mage's slave? Better watch your back then, life on the streets can be very dangerous, especially for our kind.'

Thinking about this, my anxiety even increased. He was right. But I still didn't know if I could trust him. He must have recognised my hesitation and gave it another try.

'I promise you that if you decide to come with me I will never hurt you. And of course you won't be locked in either, you can leave whenever you want. You may also keep your job at the bookshop if that's what you desire, I just want you to return to my mansion after work. Needless to say that you'll have to study hard.'

'What else?'

'Excuse me?'

'What else will I have to do if I become your apprentice? You said you wouldn't hurt me – but how do I know that I won't have to hurt _others_? Abduct people? Kill them?'

'I'd never ask you to do something like that.'

Our eyes met when Morden held out his hand.

'You have my word.'

I stared at him for a long time, but my decision had been made.

'I can't.'

With a sigh he rose.

'I'm sorry to hear that. But maybe you want to think about it again. I'll call upon you in a few days, so you'll have time to reconsider the choice you've made. Come on now, you need to see a doctor.'

I really didn't want to go anywhere with him, but I had to admit that my head had started to hurt quite badly; I looked at the handkerchief Morden gave me and found it soaked in blood. Well, maybe he was right after all...

'Don't you guys usually go to see a healer with stuff like that?'

'We do, but since you don't want to be part of mage society any more, I thought you'd prefer a more mundane approach of tending to your wound.'

I tried to get up, but the shift of weight made me dizzy; if Morden hadn't been there to catch me and allow me to lean on his shoulder, I would have hit the ground again as soon as I got up. Through gritted teeth I muttered a faint 'thank you' and let him lead me to a surgery nearby. He insisted on staying in the waiting room with me until I got called, but we didn't talk at all and I did my best to avoid his gaze. The receptionist was looking at us suspiciously; Morden didn't seem to care, while I kept staring at the linoleum covered floor in front of me. More than an hour elapsed until I finally got to see a doctor. He eyed me critically before he pointed to the waiting room with a small movement of his head.

'Did he do this to you?'

I was confused; was he really assuming that-

'No, of course not! I fell and hit my head on a table or something...'

'...or something,' the doctor muttered, wagging his head slightly and taking down a short note.

'Did you just write down _domestic violence_? Listen, he didn't hurt me, I fell and he wanted to make sure I'd be treated by a doctor. So – could you please just do that? I'd really like to lie down and rest as soon as possible.'

He only watched me with raised eyebrows, something that made me want to defend myself as well as Morden.

'We're not a couple, I don't even know him! He's a regular customer of the bookshop I'm working at and he just offered to take me here because he witnessed me hitting my head and wanted to help.'

The doctor's expression seemed thoughtful and he remained silent for a while before he asked where exactly in the shop I had actually hit my head. I sighed, slightly losing my temper; this conversation didn't make any sense at all because he didn't believe me anyway.

'Now would you mind stitching up that goddamn wound already?'

He sat down in front of me and started cleaning the wound. Since I hadn't been very nice to him he obviously didn't really care about being gentle, grabbing my chin to make me turn my head around. I flinched and touched my neck reflexively. Alarmed, he looked at me again.

'Let me check that too, will you?'

'Yeah, alright...'

He started palpating my neck and sighed in frustration once again.

'Was that injury also caused by an accident?'

_No, that happened when I tried to flee from a Dark mage and his apprentice caught me, locked an iron collar around my neck and chained me to the wall for several weeks to keep me from running away again, which resulted in me nearly strangling myself whenever I made a sudden move. But that's not a story you tell your doctor, is it?_

'No, I got beaten up by a gang of thugs some time ago.'

'Do things like that happen to you frequently?'

'Are you implying something?'

'I'm just asking.'

'No,' I replied sharply, 'I don't tend to get assaulted by strangers on a regular basis.'

He must have realised that I didn't want to discuss the matter any further and instead concentrated on treating my wound. After he was done, I immediately jumped up and headed for the door, but was called back one last time. Looking concerned, he handed me a business card.

'Just in case.'

'I don't need counselling, thank you very much. As I already said about a million times, no-one's abusing me, I'm perfectly alright, I just need some rest. Okay?'

He only shrugged and called his next patient in.

When I went back to the waiting room to get my coat, I saw that Morden was still waiting for me and rose as soon as he noticed my return.

'How are you?'

I just handed him the business card, looking at him in annoyance.

'They think you're abusing me.'

'Are you serious? What on earth did you tell them?'

'Nothing but the truth. But the doctor drew his own conclusions from both what he saw and what he heard the receptionist say about us sitting in the waiting room together.'

'Now that's what happens when you're trying to help someone...,' Morden muttered.

'Yeah, helping people... not what Dark mages usually do, is it?'

He frowned, but didn't object.

'Come on, I'll take you home, you need to rest.'

'I certainly won't tell you were I live! I might have a concussion, but I didn't hit my head so hard that I'd do something this stupid.'

'Alex, if I'd really wanted to abduct you or whatever else you're suspecting me to do, I would have ambushed you on your way back from work. I really just want to make sure you get home safely. Well, as long as you still got a home, that is...'

'Great, keep on reminding me of how fucked up my whole life is as if I didn't know that myself...'

'Will you please stop shouting? People are already staring at us.'

'I. Don't. Care!'

'Okay, listen to me.'

Taking out his wallet he passed 150£ to me, poking the money into the pocket of my coat when I refused to accept it.

'You get a cab and drive home immediately. Get yourself something to eat. Don't forget to call in sick for today, you can't risk losing your job – and _rest_ , for God's sake! You really do look terrible. Once you're feeling better...'

He wrote down something on the restaurant bill and handed it over to me.

'This is my number. Call me once you've made up your mind. If you should decide that you still don't want to become my apprentice, I'll accept it. I just want you to be aware of the dangers this world holds for people like you who aren't under the protection of a master. If you choose to stay on your own I will not be able to help you. But you may pass my number to your landlord so I can talk to him about clearing your debt.'

'Does that mean you're...'

'Yes. And you should really leave now. Goodbye, Alexander. I really hope you make the right decision.'

He walked away without looking at me again, leaving me completely taken aback.


	5. Chapter 5

I snorted when I took the money out of my pocket and looked at the banknotes – a sum like this made the intention of my benefactor quite clear: it was exactly the amount of money I would need to pay for a cab, buy groceries for about a week and top up my oyster card so I could still get to work, but even if I did none of these things, it wouldn't be enough to pay the rent. Yes, he had implied that he might help me with that problem too, but I knew from past experience that favours like this always came with a price – a price that would be higher than my debt. At the end of the day nothing had changed – if anything, my life had become even worse. For a moment I thought about walking home, but my head still hurt as if someone had hit me with a hammer and the feeling of nausea just wouldn't go away, so I entered the next Tesco to get myself something to eat as well as some painkillers and walked down the street until I was able to hail a cab.

Back at home, I double-checked if the door and the windows were locked securely and sat down on the sofa to call Lucy. The doctor had told me to stay at home for at least a week and come back if I still felt nauseated the next morning or if the headache grew worse, thought we both knew that I would never set foot in that surgery again after his repeated assumptions that my _partner_ was abusing me. After the third ringing Chris picked up the phone.

'Oh, hi Chris, this is Alex,' I stammered, 'Can I talk to Lucy, please?'

'Alex! Where _are_ you? Listen, I'm happy that your date seems to have gone well, but you could have told me that you'd be gone the whole afternoon...'

'Chris, could you please hear me out? I had an accident and I just returned from the doctor, I'm signed off sick for the rest of the week.'

'But... I thought... alright, I'll tell Lucy, but Alex – what happened?'

I sighed. I liked Chris and knowing that he was one of the few people who still cared about me I decided to tell him how I fell and hit my head, withholding the reason _why_ I had tried to get out of the restaurant in such a hurry.

'I'm so sorry,' he muttered, 'Shall I...'

He cleared his throat, sounding insecure.

'Do what?'

'If your... well, if _a certain customer_ shows up again, do you want me to tell him that you've called in sick?'

'He already knows, he insisted on taking me to the doctor and waited there until I got patched up.'

'Oh, now that's nice! See, I told you he's interested in you! - Sorry, that was inappropriate, you probably have other problems right now...'

'It's okay. Just... tell Lucy why I went home, will you?'

'Of course, Alex. Get well soon!'

'Thank you. Bye, Chris.'

'Bye-bye.'

Exhausted from talking that much I lay down on the sofa, staring at the ceiling, thinking about what to do. I searched my pockets for the restaurant bill on which Morden had written down his mobile number, staring at it for a long time when I finally found it. His handwriting was very neat, like the rest of him; maybe that was why I had never suspected him to be someone I knew from my inglorious past. I saved the number on my phone and put the piece of paper back into my pocket. This man could solve every single problem I had at the moment – or he could make my life a living hell. If I left London right now, hiding somewhere far away, would he come after me? It had taken him almost a year to find me after I fled from Richard, so I might stand a chance of getting away before he'd be able to come for me again.

Still I wondered if he would talk to other people about my whereabouts after he warned me again and again how dangerous it would be to live on my own... He seemed very keen on recruiting me as his apprentice – would he really take the risk of other Dark mages getting hold of me, enslaving or even killing me? Did _I_ want to take that risk? On the other hand, I didn't know if he would keep his promise of neither hurting me nor using me to do harm to others. If I still had my powers, I could just take a look at the future to figure out... I shook my head in resignation; I had to stop thinking about that. My magic was gone, full stop. And I was sure that even Morden couldn't force me to get it back. In fact, I was of no use for him. An idea crossed my mind – maybe if I could convince him that I wouldn't be able to get my powers back, he'd loose his interest in me... Still the thought of how he might try to find out if I _could_ get them back scared me. He was a Dark mage, after all and he seemed so very keen on getting a diviner apprentice that I couldn't be sure that he'd just give up once he'd realised that my magic really was gone. Maybe he would get angry – and I was all too well aware that annoying a Dark mage could easily result in finding out why said Dark mage maintained a torture chamber in their mansion, even if you didn't do anything wrong on purpose. Just thinking about it sent a rush of pain through my whole body – psychosomatic, obviously, since the injuries I had received during my apprenticeship dated back more than one year and a half and most of them had long since healed. For the last few hours I had tried so hard, but I couldn't get the measure of him. Until now, he had always been polite and courteous, but then again, he had threatened me - not directly, but the message had been clear: you either do what I want or you'll regret it, sooner or later.

For the first time since my landlord had showed up on my doorstep I thought about what would happen if I really had to leave my flat. Without consciously deciding to do so, I had been looking for homeless shelters in the immediate vicinity of my flat when I went home from work and found exactly one – with more than a hundred people queueing up in the evening. Then there was a church just down the road with a sign at the door saying that they were offering a place to sleep for people living on the streets – but regarding my past and, well, _what_ I was, I didn't want to set foot into a place of worship. I've never been a religious person, but still this was a line I didn't dare crossing.

Asking my father if I could stay with him again was out of question and the same applied to my mother since I didn't even know where she lived now. Then there where my colleagues... but to be honest, the only one I regarded as a friend instead of just a co-worker was Chris and I knew that he shared a small flat with his mum and three siblings, so even if he wanted to help me, there wasn't enough space. I sighed.

These were my options and they were equally bad. Without a place to sleep and shower I wouldn't be able to keep my job, so – no income. It all amounted to moving in with Morden or living on the streets, begging for food. It probably was for the best to accept his offer, but I couldn't fight the fear of being apprenticed to a Dark mage again with everything that came with that. I turned my phone around in my hands, tapping the contacts icon time and time again and staring at his name. With a sigh I put down the phone. Maybe I should just go to bed and think about those things again once my head stopped hurting...

*

Thanks to the painkillers I slept until noon and only woke up because I needed to go to the toilet. At least the nausea was gone by now and so I prepared myself some toast. My phone was lying on the table next to me and I kept staring at it as if it were some kind of poisonous spider. I still hadn't decided on what to do, but – absurdly as it was – I feared Morden might call me any minute now, though I didn't give him my number. But if he had been able to find me in the book shop, he could have found out other things as well. And if he asked one of my colleagues if they gave him my number by pretending to be worried about my well-being after I got injured... _Chris._ What if he had asked Chris where he could find me? When we had talked yesterday, I hadn't told him the truth about my 'date' – and of course I hadn't told him to keep quiet, either. I had to make a decision. Now.

When I had escaped Richard, I had taken it all for granted: my freedom, my job, my flat, the life I had managed to reclaim. Maybe it had just been supposed to be temporary, borrowed time – and now my time was up. With trembling hands I grabbed the phone and started typing a message.

_I'll accept your offer._

Just a few seconds later I received an answer:

_Hylas statue, Regent's Park – 4 pm._

I started to gather up my belongings and, taking a last glance at my flat, I locked the door and slipped the key through the letter slot. There were still two hours left until I had to meet up with Morden, so I decided to walk to the park – maybe this was the last time I would be able to stroll along the streets of the city I loved and I wanted to savour every minute. Ten minutes early I arrived in front of the statue of Hylas. _How very fitting,_ I thought grimly while looking at the young man being dragged down into the cold waters by the nymph. I had just rounded the small pond with the statue in its centre when I saw Morden sitting on a bench right in front of me, smiling contentedly.

'I'm really glad you made the right decision,' he greeted me as I walked up to him.

'That remains to be seen.'

He pointed at the two bags in my hands.

'You don't have any other belongings?'

'I had to leave everything else behind when Richard decided to imprison me and I have no desire to visit him and get my things back.'

'He isn't there any more.'

'He – what?'

'He's gone. Vanished, nobody knows where he is or what he's up to.'

'Oh.'

I stayed silent for a moment, feeling Morden's gaze resting on me, something that made me feel uneasy. I cleared my throat.

'So... what am I supposed to do now?'

'We're going to my mansion, I'll show you around and you'll have some time to make yourself comfortable. After that, we'll start with your lessons and see if we can get your magic back. Are you ready?'

I wasn't, but he didn't seem to care. Instead, he conjured a portal and held out his hand, a golden signet ring on his left hand glistening in the sun.

'Come here,' he told me when he saw that I was still hesitating, taking my hand and escorting me through the gate onto a clearing opening up to a small road that led to what would be my home from now on. Looking around, I recognised the landscape straight away – I was in Wales again.

'So the travel guide was another hint?' I asked in annoyance.

'Yes. I hope you aren't disappointed?'

'I've always liked the Welsh countryside – it's what happened inside Richard's mansion that kept me from going back.'

'You won't be treated like that again now that you're my apprentice,' he tried to assure me, but I didn't trust him – it wouldn't have been the first time he had lied to me.

'Want to come in?'

We went down a grassy slope and passed a gravel road with a parking area at its end; a black Jaguar was parked near the front door. The entrance hall reminded me of what the one in Richard's mansion looked like, except that this one seemed much more inviting, maybe because of the bright colours that dominated the room.

'Put down your bags if you like, one of the servants will take care of them.'

I did as I was told and followed him along the corridors, mostly staring at the parquet floor and listening only half-heartedly to what he was saying while he was showing me around.

'And this is your bedroom,' he finally declared, opening a wooden door that lead into a cosy and well lit room with wooden panels, a fireplace and French windows fronting a beautiful garden with rose bushes and a fountain in the middle. Next to a walk-in wardrobe was an en-suite bathroom with a spacious bathtub.

'Is there anything else you need?'

'No, um... everything's alright, thank you,' I muttered.

'Make yourself comfortable then. You may join me for dinner at 8 pm if you like, but of course you can always ask one of the servants to prepare you something to eat in case you get hungry.'

Smiling at me, he left the room. I waited until his footsteps on the floor outside weren't audible any more and went over to check if the door was locked – it wasn't, a fact that made me feel relieved and a little bit paranoid at the same time for assuming he had been lying to me again when he told me he'd never treat me the way Richard did. Walking around the room, I saw that my bags had been placed beneath the bed and I started unpacking them. Hidden between my clothes was a framed photo of a woman in a plain wedding dress and a man in a dark suit standing behind her, his left hand resting on her belly. I stared at my parents for what felt like the hundredth time, trying to figure out if they had been in love with each other when they got married or if they only felt like they had to do it because my mum had already been pregnant. They had always been an odd couple and I never really understood how they got together in the first place, but I couldn't fight the feeling that their whole marriage had been my fault – involuntarily, mind you. I sighed and put the photo into the top drawer of my desk before I continued putting my belongings onto the bed, a task I finished rather quick since there wasn't much to unpack. Opening the wooden door on the left to store them I froze, completely stunned – the wardrobe was stocked with all kinds of clothes, some of them quite casual, but the majority seemed rather formal. I examined them more closely and discovered a variety of shirts, mostly white or different shades of blue, dark trousers, jackets, dress suits, ties, a wool coat and – displayed in a way one could not miss them – what seemed to be my new ceremonial robes, made of black and dark blue silk. I liked the colours, but the fact that Morden had given this particular piece of clothing to me which was worn solely on special occasions could only mean one thing – he wanted me to get back into magical society to be recognised as his new apprentice. Secretly I had held up hopes that I could keep quietly living under the radar, fulfilling the tasks Morden would give me while hiding in his mansion – in case he'd make me stay even if I didn't regain my powers. But obviously his plans followed different tracks.

I quickly closed the door and walked back into the bedroom, sitting down on the cushioned windowsill at the far end of the room and staring at the world outside. If it hadn't been for the fear of things to come I would've enjoyed staying here in my favourite part of Britain, provided with everything I needed. Still, I didn't trust Morden any more since I found out who he really was, especially given the fact that he introduced himself as 'Thomas' just minutes before he told me the truth. _Thomas._ I snorted. I remembered thinking that the name suited him pretty well, so maybe he had been planning this for quite some time, making things up just to please me and convince me that he could be trusted, but even the inspiring conversations we had back in the shop seemed fake now.

When I went down to the dining room at the announced time, the head of the household had already sat down at the top of the table, allocating the seat on his right to me.

'Thanks for the clothes,' I said timidly, trying to avoid eye contact; I really wasn't used to people doing things like that for me, but I felt like I at least had to thank him.

'You're welcome, Alexander. If there's anything you need – just ask.'

'No, I'm fine, this is more than I could have wished for. Thank you, sir.'

'I am very pleased with your polite way of talking, so please don't mistake my request for criticism, but since you agreed to become my apprentice, I'd prefer to be addressed as master.'

I stayed silent for a while, picking at my food without looking up from my plate until I heard him call my name again.

'Do you consider this obligatory?' I asked, still not looking at him.

'Yes, I do.'

Although his voice still sounded friendly, I knew that this topic wasn't open to debate.

'Okay, I'll keep that in mind,' I mumbled.

We finished dinner in silence; after that I followed Morden once he got up. He looked at me in surprise.

'Is there something else you want to talk about right now?'

'No, I just thought...'

'Oh, if there aren't any questions left, you're dismissed for today. In fact, this is a completely new chapter in your life, so I thought you might want to have some time for yourself. Get to know the mansion, make yourself comfortable...things like that. We'll be starting with your lessons tomorrow. Good night, Alexander.'

'Good night... master,' I muttered, stared at the floor and scuttled away as soon as I saw him nodding approvingly.

One of the servants had already lit a fire in the fireplace and a steaming tea pot along with milk, sugar and a teacup made of delicate bone china was placed on the small table next to the comfortable armchair in front of it. Taking a book from my night stand, I sat down, poured myself a cup of tea and started reading for about an hour until I decided to undress and slip under the soft duvet. Even from my bed I had an impressive view over the now darkened garden with its fountain, but my thoughts kept revolving around the following day and the fear was back. What would his lessons look like? What if I failed? Again, I stared at the windows; were they warded? My bedroom door wasn't locked, so I could move around the house at my leisure; but could I also _leave_ the mansion and run away? I almost got up to give it a try, but the sheer thought of what Morden would do to me if he caught me was way too scary. He had seemed so nice when he came to the book shop, but now, despite his politeness, he was nothing but terrifying.

 _Book shop_. He had said that I could continue working there if I wanted to, but once I had agreed to become his apprentice, he hadn't mentioned it again, maybe because we both knew that it was impossible for me to get back to London without a gate stone – and he knew exactly that I couldn't use these without my magic. Realising that I was stuck in here and at Morden's mercy, I curled up under the blanket, trying to keep my body from trembling and the tears from flowing.

_'You're a Dark apprentice now,'_ I reminded myself a moment later, ' _You are not allowed to let your emotions show any more.'_

Bracing myself for my future life in what felt like a gilded cage with the cat right in front of it, I turned around onto my back and stared at the ceiling until I wasn't able to keep my eyes open any longer. Tomorrow would be exhausting, so the best I could do would be getting enough sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

A hesitant knock on the door woke me from my slumber. Puzzled, I sat up in my bed, taking a look around and over to the door.

'Come in,' I called, straightening my hair as well as the shirt I had been wearing while sleeping.

A graceful young woman with long blonde hair opened the door and winced a tiny bit when she realised that I was still in bed.

'I'm sorry to disturb you,' she said with a quavering voice, 'Master Morden sent me to check if you're already awake and ask you if you'd like to have breakfast.'

'Yes, that would be very nice.'

'Will you be eating in the dining room or do you want to stay here? Just tell me what you'd like to have and I'll fetch it for you.'

'Don't go to any trouble, I'll get dressed and come down as soon as possible.'

She nodded silently and turned around, just about to leave when I called her back.

'Excuse me,' I approached her cautiously, 'Would you mind telling me your name?'

'Emily,' she muttered, avoiding my gaze; she seemed as scared as I felt.

Trying to gain her trust, I smiled at her.

'Nice to meet you, Emily. I'm Alex.'

Again, she only nodded and drew back, slipping through the door and closing it behind her. With a sigh I rose and headed for the bathroom.

When I entered the dining room half an hour later, Morden had already finished his breakfast, but he kept his seat and called for Emily to bring some more coffee.

'And tea for Alexander, please.'

She returned only two minutes later, carrying a tray with a tea set and a coffee pot, serving Morden first before she came over to put a cup, sugar and milk down in front of me. Holding the tray in one hand, she took the tea pot and started pouring the amber liquid into my cup. I realised that her hands were trembling and was just about to say something reassuring when I felt a searing pain in my right hand where the pot's content was spilled over my skin.

'I'm so sorry,' she burst out, reaching for a napkin and trying to dab the hot tea off my shirt and the already reddening back of my hand.

'It's alright,' I answered through gritted teeth, trying to hide the pain so she wouldn't feel worse than she probably already did, 'If you could just get me a wet towel or something like that...'

'Of course.'

She hurried back to the kitchen without giving me a second glance.

All the while Morden just sat in his chair, watching the whole scene without a single comment. Only when I looked at him he asked if I was okay, still sipping his coffee as if nothing had happened.

'Think so,' I muttered, 'Could have been worse.'

'Do you want me to punish her?'

'What? No, of course not, it was just an accident!'

It felt as if my heart had stopped beating for a second; now he really was acting the way Richard did back then. I stared at him in utter shock, but I wasn't going to let him get away with it just like that.

'Why do you think I'd want you to punish her for something she didn't even do on purpose? It's bad enough that she has to spend her life as your slave, there's no need to hurt her even more.'

'She's not my slave, she is my servant. I offer her protection and in exchange she is working for me.'

'She isn't. And she wouldn't need protection if it wasn't for people like you.'

'You are being ungrateful, Alexander.'

'I am? So what are you going to do now – take me to your torture chamber?'

'Want to see it?'

We stared at each other; the cold and unforgiving look from his eyes made me fall silent immediately, shivers running down my spine. He meant it.

Before I could think of an appropriate answer, Emily entered the room with a bowl filled with water and a piece of cloth in it.

'Thank you,' I smiled at her, wrapping the wet towel around my hand to soothe the irritated skin.

Morden gave her a pleased look and nodded, dismissing her. Once we were alone again, he turned to me and put down his cup.

'I will condone your disorderly behaviour as far and as soon as you've apologised.'

'Or what?'

'Do you really want to find out?'

I was afraid, but I didn't want him to know. If I gave in to his threats now, he would make use of them over and over again. Besides, there was nothing to apologise for – what I said had been nothing but the truth. This was a power play and I wasn't willing to lose. I held his gaze and reminded him of his promise.

'You said you wouldn't hurt me.'

'And you only just implied that I am a man without decency. If that is true, I am not bound by a promise either, am I?'

I remained silent and after a pause, he began to speak again.

'Did I ever hurt you, Alexander? Did I treat you badly in any kind of way? Did I force you to do something you didn't want to do?'

He got up and started walking around the table, his hands clasped behind his back.

'I gave you a home, I got you new clothes, I ensured that you always had enough to eat and I even offered you the opportunity to continue your apprenticeship when no other mage would take you in because they all knew that you betrayed your former master – and this is how you repay me? By insulting me in my own house?'

I looked down at my hands, uncertain and a little bit ashamed. In fact, he might have been right with what he just said...

He strode over to the entrance hall and, following him, but keeping a sufficient distance between us, I saw him conjuring a gate. What was he up to...?

Once it had stabilised, he stepped aside, giving way to me.

'Leave this mansion if that's what you want. But don't expect me to come to your rescue once again.'

I felt my muscles stiffen and couldn't avert my gaze from the gate and the man standing beside it. Only last night I had been searching for a way to leave this place. Now it was right in front of me – but I didn't want to go. I felt my heart beating faster and faster and my hands were trembling. Looking at Morden, I swallowed, my voice almost inaudible when I spoke.

'I apologise for being disrespectful, master.'

He only nodded and closed the gate.

'Go and have some breakfast. I'll be expecting you in the library at 11 am.'

Without waiting for my answer, he turned on his heel and left the room.

Walking back into the dining room, I found Emily clearing the table, stopping dead as soon as she caught sight of me.

'Oh, I'm sorry,' she whispered, retreating, 'I thought you left with Master Morden... Tea's still there, just let me get you a new plate.'

'No rush, I'm not that hungry anyway...'

'What would you like to eat?' she asked as if she hadn't heard me, 'I can prepare you whatever you want...'

'Erm...I'm fine with toast and... you don't have strawberry jam, do you?'

Emily looked at me in surprise.

'Of course we do, but... I thought you'd prefer something more... satiable.'

'Thanks for asking, but I'm totally fine with that.'

She returned just a few minutes later with everything I had asked for – and even more.

Curiously I examined the small jar she had put down on the table.

'It's a healing salve,' she explained shyly, 'If you let me put it on your hand it should relieve the pain.'

'Sure, why not?'

I held out my arm and watched her applying the salve. Looking at her face, I saw tears glistening in her eyes.

'Hey, Emily, what's wrong?'

'I didn't want to hurt you, you're so nice to me...no-one else ever is...'

'It's alright, it's not like you did it on purpose...'

She didn't answer, she didn't even look up, but I felt the urge to keep talking to her.

'You seem so young, how long have you been working for Morden?'

'It's been three years now,' she answered without further explanation, but I wouldn't give up that easily.

'Did he abduct you?'

'No. It is my own choice to be here. Master Morden saved me from...' She paused. 'He saved my life. And in return, I agreed to work for him.'

I couldn't be sure, but what she said sounded a lot like the things Morden had told me just a few minutes ago; and I didn't believe a single word.

'So you're not his...?'

'I'm his servant.'

I only nodded, accepting that she would probably never tell me what had really happened. Still I felt so sorry for her, maybe because we shared the same fate, working for Morden because there was nothing else we could have done.

'Does he treat you well?'

'Yes.'

I only raised my eyebrows, glancing at her warily. Was she lying to me because she thought I'd tell Morden about it? She really shouldn't be afraid of me...

'You don't act as if he does. Listen, Emily - you can trust me. I know how it feels to be a slave. I've been apprenticed to a Dark mage before and he locked me up and tortured me until I managed to break free. I'm not here because I want to be here, so I think we're basically in the same situation.'

'That's not possible, you are... you're Master Morden's apprentice...'

'He tricked me into coming with him. I never wanted to go back to this kind of life again, but I didn't have a choice.'

'But you're a Dark mage too,' she stated anxiously.

'No. I never thought of myself that way, even when I was still in possession of my magic.'

'What do you mean?'

'I used to be a diviner, but I lost my ability to foresee the future.'

'How is this possible?'

'When I was apprenticed to my former master I saw and did things I'll never forget. They changed me in a way I couldn't have imagined and I just wanted to get away from all that, so I decided to never use my powers again – and when I tried to do it after a long time, I realised that they were gone.'

'So if you've lost your magic,' Emily asked shyly, 'why are you here?'

I shrugged.

'I don't know why Morden wanted me of all people. He seems to think that I might get it back... But I'm afraid of what he'll do to find out...'

'Be careful, Alex,' she pleaded with utter concern.

'I will,' I promised, when suddenly a thought crossed my mind. 'You said you've been here for three years?'

'Yes. Why?'

'Morden had another apprentice a few years ago, didn't he?'

'Yes, his name was Marcus, he was a death mage, but I didn't know him very well, he left soon after I came here.'

'Do you know why he left?'

'Master Morden suggested that it might be better if they parted company. I think he wasn't very happy with Marcus's attitude when it came to studying.'

'You mean he was lazy?'

'Yes. And then there was this party...'

'What party?'

'He invited some of his friends when he thought that Master Morden would be gone for at least a week – when he returned earlier, he found them all lying around in the library, totally drunk, and he shouted at them to  _«_ _get the fuck out of this house»_ .'

'He really said that?'

I couldn't help but laugh at the sheer thought of Morden swearing and even Emily gave me one of her rare smiles.

'Yes. I've never seen him lose his composure before and it was kind of funny – also, I was pretty glad that it wasn't me he was mad at.'

I tried to stay calm at the thought of that; all I could hope for was that I wouldn't be the next person to upset him like that...


	7. Chapter 7

Entering the library at 11 am sharp, I found Morden sitting in an armchair next to one of the vast windows; the chair on the opposite was obviously meant for me. A pile of old leather-bound books was placed on a low table in front of him, while he held another one in his hands, flipping through the pages.

'Punctual to the minute,' he commented as I sat down, facing him without saying a word. 'How's your hand doing?'

Looking down, I realised that my skin didn't show the slightest hint of irritation any more – whatever Emily's healing salve was made of, it had worked perfectly.

'It wasn't as bad as I thought.'

'I thought you might have seen it coming.'

'I already told you that – wait. Did that happen on purpose? Did you order her to spill the tea to see if my precognition would warn me?'

'Indeed.'

I gaped at him, downright speechless.

'You're not even trying to lie about it!'

'Why should I do that?' he asked, now looking bewildered himself, 'I did the same back in the book store, remember?'

'No...?'

His laughter was muffled by the thick carpets and probably thousands of books in the room, but it still made me jump a little, maybe because I hadn't seen him laugh like that for quite some time now.

'Dropping things and all that... did you really consider me that clumsy?'

'I never really gave it a second thought, to be honest. Also I must admit that what I mistook for some kind of flirting distracted me a little bit,' I confessed and almost immediately bit my tongue.

But apparently it was too late – he smiled even brighter.

'What makes you think you were mistaken?'

'Excuse me?'

'Never mind. We should go back to what we're here for.'

'May I ask you something first?'

'Of course.'

I felt my lips trembling, not sure how he would react to my question, but I needed to know.

'If you ordered Emily to spill the tea – why did you ask me if I wanted you to punish her?'

Morden leaned back in his chair, his legs crossed, his hands clasped in his lap.

'That's exactly were this conversation is leading. I wanted to see your reaction. I already figured out that you seem to need some pressure to be put on you to make you react - no, hear me out. You also seemed to get along just fine with Emily, so I thought that my proposal to punish her might prompt your skills – it would have been pretty easy for you to find out what I would do if you agreed, wouldn't it? Still you didn't even think about finding out, you immediately told me to leave her alone. So this approach isn't working, obviously. That's why I need you to tell me how it all started. Tell me about your first encounters with your magic, Alexander.'

I sighed and leaned back as well, telling him about how there had been short flickers of what would happen in the immediate future, just seconds before what I saw actually took place. Confirming what Morden seemed to know already I told him how these visions became more reliable when I was in danger of getting hurt or if I was stressed out – something that used to be the case quite often when my parents' arguments took place at increasing intervals until they finally got divorced and kept fighting for custody. Initially I didn't want to tell him about it, but getting it off my chest felt surprisingly good, especially since he abstained from commenting on my family history and only asked for some minor details now and then. After I finished my report, he gave me a thoughtful look and asked me if I remembered when I had these visions for the very first time.

'I can't recall a certain situation that might have been the beginning of it all, at first it probably wasn't anything but instinct or intuition, but then it started to develop. The visions appeared without warning and I wasn't able to sort them. They kicked in when I was in immediate danger, but I wasn't able to make them come up deliberately or to practise what is called path-walking, if you're familiar with that term...'

'I am. But that's something we can attend to later. Has there been something that helped you control your visions? To sort out the insignificant ones or conjure them by willpower once they became more frequent?'

'I got better at that once I realised what was wrong with me and started practising.'

'There's nothing wrong with you.'

'How would you know?' I snorted, 'You aren't a diviner, you don't know what it feels like to have those visions haunting you and not understanding what they are and what to do with them... I doubt that you ever felt like going insane when you realised what you were.'

'You have no idea, Alexander...,' he muttered, turning his face away from me. 'The only way to come to terms with what you are is embrace your powers and make use of them as good as you possibly can. And that's what I want you to learn.'

'But how?'

'You'll see once the time has come. Until then, you will spent your time studying. Feel free to take whatever you need from this library. You may also ask me whenever problems should arise that you aren't able to solve by yourself. Apart from that, we'll be meeting here every morning after breakfast. Are there any questions left for today?'

'No... master.'

'Well then.'

The books placed on the coffee table between us were shoved in my direction and after that, Morden got up.

'I've got a few things to do in London, but I shall be back for dinner.'

'Talking about London...,' I added cautiously, 'You said you wouldn't mind me working at the book shop as long as I kept studying...'

'That's right.'

'But... we're in the middle of Wales, how am I supposed to get there?'

After searching his pockets for a moment, he extracted a small white pebble and placed it on top of the books.

'This is a gate stone to where I picked you up yesterday. Feel free to use it.'

'I can't. I'd need my magic to activate it.'

Morden smiled maliciously.

'This will be your first task then. Good luck!'

*

Emily found me sulking in the library a few hours later while I half-heartedly flipped through the books Morden had sought out for me; the topics they covered were indeed quite interesting, ranging from basic aspects of divination to theories about the development and usage of magic and even something about the correlation between magical abilities, character and emotion. I soon realised that especially this book could contain some useful information, but I wasn't too keen on getting my powers back after everything they made me do in the past. Still I chose to take the line of least resistance and started reading the leather-bound volume on divination, wondering why Richard had never given me something specifically related to my magic type like this.

'Would you mind me doing the hoovering? I can come back later if you're busy, I don't want to disturb you...'

'No, go ahead, but... are you doing this all by yourself? Cooking, cleaning the house-'

'...being Master Morden's personal assistant? No, I'm not his only servant, but Allanah has gone to buy groceries for dinner and Erin is upstairs, cleaning the floors.'

'Oh, okay... I was just wondering because I've only seen you doing all the work.'

'That's because I usually don't leave the mansion.'

'But the others do?'

'Yes.'

'Why don't you? Does he make you stay inside?'

'No, I prefer staying here. You really don't have to worry about me. I'm fine.'

'You know you can tell me if there's anything I can do for you?'

For the second time today she smiled at me.

'Thank you, Alex. But that won't be necessary.'

Once she started cleaning the carpets I decided to take a walk around the house, trying to get to know the place where I would be living from now on. I already knew the library, the dining room and the part of the building where my bedroom was located, but now I found out that there were several living rooms, something that seemed like a small duelling hall, completely equipped with azimuth focusses on either side, a ballroom with giant chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and a bunch of spare bedrooms on the other side of the mansion. I assumed that Morden's bedroom and his study would be on the first floor, probably in the same wing as my own bedroom, so he could enjoy the sight of his garden from the balcony I had seen when we arrived yesterday, but I didn't dare going upstairs since I couldn't be sure if he'd consider this a breach of his privacy. Walking past the kitchen door, I discovered a smaller hallway that seemed to be a dead end with only two doors on the right side. Curious as I had always been, I opened the first one to find a set of chairs assembled in front of a wall made from what looked like one-way glass; the room behind it was too dark to see anything, but it seemed to be accessible from the second door. I went back into the hallway, turned the handle and stepped inside, groping around the wall until I found the light switch – and froze. Lined against the far wall were three small barbed cages, one corner was occupied by a rack and an agoniser was placed at the centre of the room, while the other corner was inhabited by a vagrant's chair and an iron maiden. Taking a step back in horror, I stumbled against someone standing behind me and almost started to scream.

'Don't look so shocked, I have no intention of taking you in there,' Morden remarked with a faint smile on his lips, putting one hand on my shoulder. 'Let's get out of here, this isn't the right place for someone with a tender heart like you...'

I wanted to talk back, but found that I was shaking too much and therefore allowed him to lead me to the living room nearby where he made me sit down on one of the sofas.

'So you weren't joking when you said that...,' I stuttered, but he interrupted me immediately.

'This is none of your business, Alexander,' he said softly, taking a seat right by my side and gently touching my arm as if to console me.

'To be honest, I had already thought about locking the door in case you took a closer look at this part of the building, but then you would have tried to get in all the more - the curiosity of diviners is almost legendary and I think the story of Bluebeard's bride is a warning example on how things can go terribly wrong if you try to keep people from doing something they're not supposed to do.'  
  
'You would've considered putting me in there if I disobeyed you?'  
  
The sheer thought of being tied to the rack and having my limbs dislocated or even ripped out made me shy away from him at once, but when I looked at him again, there was nothing but gentleness showing on his face and his voice was still soft as he spoke again.  
  
'No. I wouldn't dare to destroy something as beautiful and tender as you....'

Thinking about what I'd just seen unsettled me nonetheless; even if he wouldn't use those devices on me, they were obviously more than just some macabre decoration – something I knew from my own painful experience with Richard.

'I'm tired,' I squeezed out, eluding his touch, my voice suddenly very fragile, 'I'll go to bed if you don't mind...'  
  
He only nodded and bid me goodnight.

*

I didn't sleep well. After what I'd seen today, the old nightmares were haunting me again, nightmares of Tobruk dragging me into Richard's torture chamber and carrying out our master's orders until my voice gave out from screaming. Even if Richard had made quite an effort to choose devices that were designed for inflicting pain without damaging the victim's body permanently, they had been in no way inferior to the ones Morden used, even if those looked like they were imported straight away from medieval times. I woke up drenched in sweat, panting heavily and not quite able to forget what I'd seen at the other end of the mansion. Ignorance is bliss, I thought, wishing I had never gone wandering around when I should have been studying. Instead, I visualised history repeating itself.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning I took my time to get ready for breakfast, but when I finally went over to the dining room, Morden was still there, drinking his coffee and reading a newspaper.

'Good morning, Alexander,' he greeted, looking up with a slight smile.

'Good morning,' I muttered in response, fetching myself some tea; Emily was nowhere to be seen. I thought it had been pretty obvious that I wasn't in the mood for talking, but Morden didn't seem to care.

'You remember our talk about how I wanted you to address me?'

'Yes, quite clearly.'

'Then why is it that you refrain from doing as you're told?'

'I do call you master, don't I?'

'Now and then you do, exactly – still I think you should form a habit of sticking to that.'

I put down my cup, staring at the empty plate in front of me to avoid his gaze.

'I don't feel comfortable addressing you like that.'

'Why not?'

'Because of Richard.'

'You know this pretty much sounds like you still considered him your master instead of me?'

My head shot up in shock, only to find Morden watching me with a piercing glance.

'Certainly not,' I gasped, starting to feel incredibly sick.

'What is it, then?'

'I don't want to be reminded of that time. And calling you master makes me think of it over and over again.'

'So you think this is a proper reason to be disrespectful?'

'I'm not being disrespectful! I just-'

I stopped, not knowing what to say any more.

'I've told you more than once, Alexander – I'm not Richard. What makes you think I'd treat you the way he did?'

'I don't know,' I replied sarcastically, 'Maybe that nice and cosy torture chamber of yours?'

'I already said that I have no intention of using those devices on you.'

'It's not exactly reassuring to imagine you using them on others, either.'

'This is something that can't be avoided sometimes. But don't worry, you don't have to take part in those things.'

'Is that how you got so powerful?'

He took a sip of his coffee before he began to speak again, staring into the distance as if lost in thought.

'No, it's because I studied very, very hard and practised my magic all the time – and as my apprentice, I'm expecting you to do the same. I know you've got the potential to become one of the best diviners this world has ever seen, but you have to work hard for that.'

He put the newspaper aside and rose, smoothing his clothes down.

'I'll meet you in the library after you've finished breakfast.'

*

'Did you start reading the books I gave you?' he asked once I sat down in the armchair facing him.

'I started with the one on divination, but I only began reading and I'm a long way from finishing the book.'

'How about the other ones?'

'Only flipped through them.'

'You should really consider attending to studies on how a mage's state of mind affects their character and – connected to that - their magical abilities. Because that's the big problem we have to solve, isn't it?'

I kept quiet, waiting for him to go on with his lecture.

'You aren't very talkative today, are you? But never mind. I want to try something this afternoon, but first I need some more information, especially since you mentioned your former master earlier.'

'Is it possible to skip that topic?' I asked, clenching my teeth.

'You don't need to go into detail about what happened, but I'll have to know what exactly made you give up your magic.'

'I got rid of it because it made me a murderer. And I couldn't go on being a person I despise so much.'

'Tell me what happened, please.'

Hesitantly, I started talking about Catherine and her boyfriend, how I had lead the other apprentices to their hiding place where Tobruk had killed the boy without batting an eyelid and about what had happened to the girl afterwards. Morden listened closely to what I had to say, but he didn't really seem to care about their violent deaths; instead, he kept asking questions about how long I had been imprisoned, what Richard had done to me that made me so utterly terrified of him and even how it had felt to meet Tobruk again, with that meeting resulting in his rather painful death.

'When exactly did you decide to give up your magic?' he finally wanted to know after I had answered all of his former questions.

'After I killed Tobruk. I am responsible for the death of three human beings, is it any wonder that I wanted to get rid of what made all this possible?'

'How did you feel back then?' he continued, pretty much ignoring what I had just said.

'Guilty. Terrified. Lost.' I paused for a moment. 'Lonely.'

'That's interesting,' Morden commented, 'You felt lost and lonely after you ran away from your former master and magical society as a whole, but you still decided to give up your powers so there would be no way back – what convinced you to do it anyway? The fear of Richard and his henchmen? Did you think they would come for you, not because they wanted revenge, but because of your divination skills? Because he wanted you back for what you were?'

I didn't answer, but going by the way he looked at me, he seemed to know anyway.

'Thank you, Alexander. I want you to meet me at the ballroom at 3 pm. Until then you should get back to your books. And remember – if there are any questions, don't hesitate to ask me. That's what I'm here for.'

I nodded and watched him leave the room.

*

I met him again at the assigned time in front of the ballroom. He led me inside, stopping right in the middle of the vast room and telling me to stay there. From his pocket he drew a long black piece of silk. I watched him warily, wondering if he was going to tie me up and already started thinking about how to free myself, when I realised that he had positioned himself behind me. I tried to look at him, but he placed one hand on my shoulder, making me turn around again.

'Close your eyes,' he told me, blindfolding me with the cloth as soon as I obeyed.

'What is that supposed to mean?' I asked anxiously, already taking my hands up to my face, touching the blindfold.

'No, keep them at your sides,' he ordered softly, reaching for my hands and making me put them down again.

'What do you want me to do now? Why did you-'

'I want you to concentrate and react to what I'm going to do – without using your eyesight. I will take the blindfold off as soon as we're finished, you are not allowed to remove it yourself. Is that understood?'

I only nodded.

'Well then...'

As he walked away, I listened to the sound of his footsteps on the parquet floor, trying to make out were he was standing. After I had given up my magic, I had learned to rely on my other senses again; still it had been a long time since I had to move without seeing where I went and I felt horribly insecure, as if I was merely stumbling around the room – even if I had only taken a few small steps forward so far.

'Are you ready?'

I turned around a tiny bit, following the sound of his voice.

'I think so...'

Feeling the weaving of a spell, I braced myself for things to come – but obviously, this wasn't enough. I got hit in the chest and toppled, nearly falling. Was he really using his magic on me? Almost reflexively, my hand went up to the piece of silk fastened around my head, but before I could manage to pull it off, another spell hit my arm.

'I told you not to remove your blindfold!' Morden snapped. 'Do you prefer your hands to be tied behind your back so you are not getting tempted again?'

'No.'

'No – what?'

'No, master,' I muttered.

'Go on, then. Concentrate.'

I really tried to, but I couldn’t figure out what he was up to, I only felt the faint flicker of death magic directed at me and seconds later another strike hit my shin. My leg gave way and I fell to my knees, panting heavily.

'What is this all about?' I shouted at Morden.

'You know exactly what to do, Alexander – I’m only waiting for you to start.'

'I can’t fight you!'

'I’m not expecting you to fight me, I only want you to dodge my attacks by using your powers.'

'They’re gone!' I screamed in desperation, 'You know they are!'

'No, I’m sure they’re just muted – and now it’s time to activate them again.'

'I can’t, I don’t know how!'

'Use your precognition. Remember when you told me about the situation when it kicked in for the first time? You were in danger and your powers saved you from getting hurt. It’s the same situation now. And pain’s a good teacher.'

Obviously meant to emphasize his words, another spell hit my shoulder, throwing me back so I nearly fell over.

'Please, stop this!’ I gasped, ‘Can’t you see it doesn’t work?'

'It doesn't work because you’re not trying hard enough. Concentrate on what’s going on in your body, there must be some kind of… well, _mechanism_ to protect you. You just have to activate it.'

'I can’t!' I screamed, curling up on the floor as another strike hit my chest.

Again I raised my arm to get rid of the blindfold – and again my arm got hit, so hard it made me cry out in pain.

'You’re not taking off the blindfold!' Morden spat. 'Get up.'

I didn’t move, merely listening to him repeat his order, louder this time; the only thing I could do was cowering on the ground, muttering the same words all over again.

'I can’t…'

He stayed silent, but the tension in the air was almost tangible. I felt another spell building up, but this time it seemed much stronger than before.

'Please, don’t...,' I whispered, trying to protect my body as good as possible and awaiting the horrible pain that would soon take place…

But instead of being hit, I heard Morden scream in agony. Without thinking twice, I jumped up, ripping the tear-soaked blindfold away from my eyes. On the other end of the room I saw the Dark mage lying on the floor, unmoving, and started running towards him, panic rising in my chest. He couldn't be dead, he wouldn't have... Everything that had happened in the last few minutes seemed forgotten as I kneeled down by his side, fumbling with the top button of his shirt until I was able to press two fingers onto his neck, searching for a pulse. Relieved, I found it was still there, but very faint. I needed help, but I didn't know where to get it – and I certainly wouldn't leave him lying here all on his own.

'Emily!' I screamed, turning my head towards the door, hoping she would hear me. I listened for a few seconds, then called her name again. Just as I was about to get up, she entered the room, staring at us for a brief moment before she came over.

'He's unconscious,' I explained before she even asked, 'I don't know what happened, but he's barely breathing any more...'

'Did you attack him?'

'What? No! It was the other way round, but something seems to have gone wrong with his spell...'

'Stay with him, I'll get a healer...'

Without waiting for my answer, she rushed out of the room while I tried to remember what I knew about first aid, but since injuries caused by death magic had never been mentioned when I learned about it at school, I simply stuck to monitoring his breathing and placed one hand on his chest to make sure his heart was still beating. Slightly patting his cheeks now and then I tried to make him regain consciousness – without success. His skin was so pale and cold, it almost felt like touching a corpse, but I couldn't take my eyes off him. He seemed so innocent and vulnerable while he was lying there, it was impossible to be mad at him any longer. I desperately turned around to the door; where the hell was Emily? Looking at Morden again I realised that his breathing as well as his pulse had slowed down. I sat down beside him, pulling him over to me and resting his head in my lap, talking to him although I knew that he probably couldn't hear me.

'Don't you dare to die now, you fucking bastard,' I muttered, my voice hoarse from fear that he might do exactly that.


	9. Chapter 9

I can't remember how much time had passed until Emily came back with another woman I'd never seen before, tall and dressed in some kind of cream-coloured vintage dress with lots of ancient gold jewellery dangling from her neck and wrists, her bright red hair covering her back like blazing flames. Shooing me away, she knelt down to examine him, unbuttoning his shirt and touching his chest. Even standing back from them, I felt the magic she used on him, slowly bringing him back to life. Gasping softly, he opened his eyes and looked at the woman in front of him.

'Thank you, Aurora,' he whispered, seizing the hand she offered to help him get on his feet.

'You should rest for a few days,' she suggested, waving me over again to help her support him as he slowly moved towards the exit. With Emily leading the way, we walked him to his bedroom. It took him ages to climb the stairs to the first floor, his body still so incredibly weak from whatever had happened to him. He could barely walk, but even though he had put his arm around my shoulders he didn't deign to look at me. I took a casual glance at his bedroom that looked very similar to mine, although it was way more spacious and the furniture seemed quite expensive. With a faint groan he sat down on the edge of the old-fashioned four-poster bed and tried to take off his shoes, apparently not able to bend down without inflicting even more pain on his body.

'Lend me a hand, will you?' he asked in Emily's direction even though I was standing right next to him.

Taking a step forward, I reached out for him in her stead, but he slapped my arm away.

'Leave,' he hissed, 'I can't stand your presence any longer.'

'But...'

'Get out!'

By the way he yelled at me I was sure that he would have thrown something at me if Aurora hadn't held him back, so I decided to back off. Standing in the doorway, I caught a last fleeting glimpse of Morden as he started to undress and left.

I fled to my own bedroom and huddled up in the corner next to the window, hiding my face in my hands like a child that doesn't want to be seen. It wasn't my fault, but Morden had only been hurt because he had tried to bring my magic back – and now he was so angry at me that I didn't know what he would do next. Would he be satisfied with just throwing me out? Or would he do something worse? Would he take revenge by killing me instead, making my death as slow and painful as possible? I didn't want to find out and the only way to avoid a fate like this was to leave this place as soon as possible even though I didn't know where to go. There had been a gravel road leading away from the parking area in front of the mansion; if I just followed that path it would eventually lead me to some village. And Emily had said that one of the other servants had been gone to buy groceries, so there must be somewhere I could go to. With quite an effort I managed to pull myself up again and gathered some of my belongings, squeezing them into the bags I had brought with me when I had moved in with Morden.

I strode through the house without meeting another person – until I crossed the entrance hall and ran into Aurora, who was standing in the front door, an old-fashioned cigarette holder in her hand, releasing the smoke into the crimson sky that matched her hair.

'What are you doing here?' I asked out of sheer curiosity.

'Morden doesn't like people smoking inside his mansion,' she answered with a smile on her lips, 'But that's probably not what you were asking.'

Turning around, she gazed at the two bags in my hands.

'You are leaving?'

'I'm not keen on being tortured to death by someone who thinks that it's my fault he was injured.'

'What makes you think he'd do something like that?'

'He's a Dark mage.'

'So am I.'

With a relaxed smile she let the smoke escape her blood red lips.

'You really are ungrateful, Alex.'

'How come you know my name?' I asked, ignoring her accusation.

'I've been talking to Morden. We've known each other for quite some time and we trust each other. Do you realise what efforts he made to help you get your magic back? Everybody knows about you and Mage Drakh - are you even aware of the risks Morden took when he offered to support you? Sooner or later you were supposed to be reintroduced to magical society – as Morden's apprentice, mind you. He compromises his reputation by taking on a hopeless case like you... sorry, I didn't mean to insult you,' she added, her mouth twitching with the slight attempt of a smile.

'I never wanted to become his apprentice – all I ever wanted was to be left alone.'

She cocked her head sympathetically.

'That's not how our world works, Alex,' she replied, smiling sadly, 'Your powers will always be a part of you, even if you think you've gotten rid of them. They are still there, somewhere deep inside of you. I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but being apprenticed to a mage like Morden is the best thing that could have happened to you. He will protect you at all costs – and you may also rest assured that he certainly won't have you tortured to death if that really is what you're afraid of. He's mad at himself for losing control – leave him alone for a few days and it'll be alright.'

'I don't think so.'

'Why not?'

'Because I saw how he treated Emily.'

'What do you mean?'

'He forced her to spill hot tea over my arm to trigger my divination and then asked me if I wanted him to punish her for what she did.'

'I'm sure he didn't hurt her.'

'No, because I didn't want him to.'

Aurora shook her head.

'You overestimate your influence on him,' she answered, 'He's definitely old enough to make his own decisions.'

'How old exactly is he?' I asked, my curiosity taking over. I couldn't fight the feeling that he was actually way older than he looked like; life magic treatments could do that, as far as I knew.

'What do you think?' she smiled.

'He looks like he's in his early thirties, but he seems to be older.'

'Your observation skills are pretty well developed, young man.'

'I'm still curious – will you tell me?'

Aurora started to laugh, her deep voice sounding like a smooth hum.

'Morden and I were fellow apprentices – I guess that should hold out for an answer.'

I beheld her closely, noticing a few wrinkles around her eyes and her mouth as well as some grey strands in her bright red hair – all put together, she seemed to be in her early forties.

'You implied that Morden didn't treat Emily well,' she stated, revisiting our former topic, 'And I really think I should set this straight because you're doing him wrong. He _does_ care about her and he wouldn't hurt her just like that.'

I stared at her in disbelief.

'He enslaved her!'

Suddenly, the sad expression on Aurora's face was back.

'Did he ever tell you how they met? And why he took her with him?'

'No. Did he see her at someone else's dinner party and decided to make an offer because he liked her looks?'

The life mage's gaze went cold.

'No, Alex. Morden was conducting negotiations with her former master and coincidentally found out how he treated his slaves, especially Emily.'

'What happened?' I asked in a flat voice.

'He had her work 24/7 until she was unable to take any more. Punished her when she fainted from exhaustion. Raped her. Threatened to kill her family if she ran away.'

'Good gracious..,' I muttered, 'I didn't know that... And Morden helped her?'

'Yes.'

'How?'

'Bought her. It's as simple as that. He made a very generous offer and took her in once her former master accepted.'

'So he told the truth when he said that he's protecting her...'

'Of course he did! What were you expecting? That he abducted her or something?'

'Kind of, yeah,' I confessed.

'No. He brought her here and called me to tend to her injuries. She was completely terrified, poor girl. After she had recovered he asked her if she wanted to work for him, offering his protection to her and her family as well. She agreed, which is probably the best solution for everyone involved.'

'Why didn't he just let her go?'

'To put her in jeopardy of being abducted again? By someone like her former master? You may not understand it yet, but she's safe here. And you are, too.'

I looked down at my bags and heaved a sigh.

'You think so? I'm still not convinced that Morden won't kill me on sight once I go back inside...'

'Morden will have to stay in bed until tomorrow at the minimum. Probably longer if I should decide so.'

'And you think he'll follow your advise?'

Aurora smiled lightly.

'Of course he does. But tell me, Alex... What exactly did you do to upset him so much? It's been ages since I've seen him lose his temper like that.'

'Why do you ask if you already know?'

'I'd like to hear it from you.'

'I failed. And that made him angry.'

'Could you put a finer point on that?'

'When he started teaching me, he asked me about my early experiences with my magic, how it developed, how I noticed that I was a diviner... I told him that my precognition used to kick in when I was in immediate danger and he tried to trigger it by attacking me with his magic while I was blindfolded, but it didn't work, I didn't see his attacks coming and got hit time and time again until I begged him to stop... and then suddenly he screamed, though I don't really know what happened.'

'He put way to much power into his spell and when he realised it, he tried to stop it, causing the spell to backfire – you can consider yourself lucky this happened, by the way. If you had been hit, you'd probably be dead now.'

'So he really tried to kill me?'

'No, it was an accident. And he's deeply ashamed that he let this happen, that's why he couldn't even stand to look at you when he woke up and told you to leave. Give him some time and it'll be alright.'

'But I'm still of no use to him with my magic gone.'

'That's not down to you to decide. If your master wants you to leave, he'll tell you.'

I wanted to comment on that but Aurora held up her hand, calling on me to listen to her.

'You're right, he might still be upset and consider your apprenticeship a failure. If you run away instead, he _will_ do so. And believe me – you wouldn't like the consequences. Go back to your room and keep up your studies. Be a good boy, Alex.'

I snorted, but managed to force a smile.

'Will you stay here too?'

'Until Morden has recovered, yes. And now go inside, you shouldn't risk getting seen with those bags in your hands.'

'Yes, Mage Aurora – and... thank you.'


	10. Chapter 10

I returned to my room and started unpacking my things again. Only now did I realise that my chest and my arms hurt where Morden's spells had hit me and I decided to take a hot bath to relax my body – and, if possible, my mind. With the warm water soothing my skin, I leant back and closed my eyes for a moment, trying not to think about where I was and what might possibly happen in the immediate future. I never would have thought that things could get even worse than before, but despite Aurora's attempts to calm me down I was afraid – and for the first time I longed for my magic to come back. If I were able to path-walk again, I would know how Morden would react if I talked to him. I would be able to find out if he was really still mad at me or if I was merely overreacting from fear that this might turn out like the last time I was apprenticed to a Dark mage. But then again another thought came up – if he hadn't punished me for my behaviour by now, he probably wouldn't do so later, would he? Aurora's words on that topic had been quite convincing, so maybe I should just relax and wait for things to come. I sighed, wishing it was all that easy…

I stayed in the bathtub until the water grew unpleasantly cold, then I finally got out and dressed, for the first time putting on one of the shirts and a pair of trousers Morden had given to me. Staring at my reflection in the mirror I felt like looking at a stranger. I usually dressed quite casual, but apart from that the person in front of me seemed older, more serious – like a child that had been forced to grow up way to early. Still thinking about the conversation I just had I decided to keep a low profile in the presence of Morden since provoking him seemed to be a very bad idea considering his current state of mind. I went down the hallway, heading for the library, when I met Emily. She was about to go upstairs, a silver tray with a variety of dishes in her hands.

'Let me help you,' I offered, reaching out to take the tray from her.

'No, you don't have to...'

'Just... let me take it, okay?'

She hesitated.

'Do you think this is a good idea after what happened?'

'Maybe it's time to apologise...,' I muttered.

'Good luck and...take care,' she replied, handing over the food and watching me while I climbed the stairs.

I knocked gently before I opened the door, finding Morden fast asleep in his bed. I couldn't help but stare – this was one of the most powerful Dark mages in Britain and now he just lay there, wearing a black silk pyjama, his hands resting motionless on the duvet while his hair seemed like a dark halo against the white pillow. Once again I wondered how peaceful he looked when he wasn't awake and I thought about leaving the tray on a table beneath the window, letting him rest, but as soon as I turned around to do so, I heard the rustle of sheets as he woke up and turned around to face me. His eyes widened as he realised that it wasn't Emily serving his dinner.

'Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?'

'I just wanted to ask if you're alright...' I replied softly, returning to his bed and putting the tray down on his night stand. 'And I wanted to apologise for being so stubborn... I didn't mean to provoke you... I promise I'll give my best to live up to your expectations if you give me a second chance...'

My voice was barely audible, shaking with fear; I already realised that it had been a mistake to come here, but I knew that things might get worse if I didn't say anything, even if every single word I said was a lie, told to appease an angry Dark mage. Well, at least that's what I thought would be the outcome of my apology, but then he started to speak again, very quiet, a menacing tone in his voice, grimacing as he tried to sit up straight.

'How dare you! Now you suddenly tell me that you want to live up to my expectations? Does this mean that I asked too much from you in the past? Is that why you only now decided to do as I requested? Tell me, Alexander!'

When I didn't react, he carried on with his speech.

'I asked you to keep your hands by your sides and not to touch your blindfold – you didn't obey. I told you that I set great value upon studying – but instead of studying you strolled through the house. And how many times did I have to tell you how I expected you to address me? Whenever I remind you, you find excuses not to do so. But you should consider that I might make up my mind too if you don't change your behaviour.'

'What do you mean?' I asked anxiously.

'It's up to you if we're getting along well, but since you don't seem to be very keen on doing what you're supposed to do anyway I should consider locking you in one of the cages for a few days so you can think about what I just told you for a while.'

I backed off and stared at him in shock, suddenly feeling sick.

'No,' I whispered, 'You can't do that...'

'I _can_ and I _will_ if you don't stop annoying me – who do you think you are?'

He paused, darting a thoughtful glance at me.

'I've had other apprentices before... Some of them have been just as stubborn and defiant as you, but it never lasted long. And your current behaviour won't last, either. I'll give you one last chance to comply to the rules.'

'Or what?'

'Or I'll make you. Everyone has a weak point....If you still won't do as you're told, I will find yours and break you.'

'I should've let you die,' I hissed, turning around to leave but regretting my words only a second later as a spell was fired in my direction – and missed. I hadn't looked at him, but still I had been able to dodge his attack. For a moment we just stared at each other, but then I turned on my heel and ran.

'You'll stay and tell me what just happened!' he shouted, directing another spell at me when I didn't stop; this one missed too. Just as I grabbed for the handle, the door was ripped open and Aurora rushed into the room, obviously conceiving the situation at first sight since she immediately grabbed my arm and shoved me towards the entrance.

'Go back to your bedroom and keep quiet. I told you to leave him alone for a while,' she whispered, though she seemed upset too, 'I'll talk to him, but I can't promise it'll work...' The door clicked shut, but I could still hear her footsteps on the parquet floor and the soft murmur of her deep voice as she spoke to Morden. Cautiously pressing my ear against the wood I tried to listen to their conversation, but I only caught fragments of what she was saying, something about me being too weak and that it would be better if he left me alone since I had never come to terms with what I had to endure as Richard's apprentice. I would've loved to hear his answer to that, but Morden kept his voice down and I couldn't understand a single word of what he said.

Exasperated, I retreated to my room, sitting down on my bed, thinking about what had happened only a few minutes ago. It was impossible to deny. Being able to dodge his attacks with my back turned on Morden hadn't been a reflex or intuition. I had _seen_ it. I had known exactly how to move so I wouldn't get hit by his spell and my body had merely reacted to the information it had gotten from my brain. From the _visions_ within my head. I shied away from acknowledging what this meant in its entirety, trying to protect myself against things to come. Probably without even intending to do so, Morden had finally achieved his goal. Hiding my face in my hands, I curled up on the bed, realising that all I wanted now was to get out of this mansion – but Aurora's words about the possible consequences of running away still echoed in my ear. I had done this once and it had lead me straight into the hands of the sadistic psychopath that was my fellow apprentice Tobruk. And even though he was dead now, the memories still haunted me and made my current situation even worse.

*

_I had struggled all the way from where he had caught me back to the mansion, determined not to be locked up again, kicking and scratching him until he finally had enough and sent me to the floor with a single blow to my head._

_'You think you can fool me, you stupid bastard?' he hissed, pulling me to my feet again and pushing me along the dark hallway leading to the cell block, his right hand painfully clutching my neck while securing my hands behind my back with his left arm._

_I was dragged through the only open door and forced to kneel while he pressed my head down even further, but eventually released my hands. I heard the clatter of metal on stone and tried to turn around._

_'Don't you dare to move your fucking head,' he spat and I felt something cold and heavy on my skin._

_It was too dark to see anything but raising my hands I could feel the iron collar he had fastened around my neck. Panicking I tried to get it off, causing Tobruk to tighten it even more. I heard the lock click shut and realised that I was chained to the wall. I started shouting at him in utter terror and pleading to make him take it off. My hands clawed at the rigid metal, but looking into the future confirmed that there was no way to open the solid padlock resting right above my throat. When Tobruk spoke to me again, his voice was calm and cold as ice._

_'You will never leave this cell again, Alex. But don't worry... I'll look after you so you don't get bored... Ah ah ah... we don't want you to suffocate, huh?'_

_Getting hold of my hands he bent down and stared at me, cruelty showing in his eyes._

_'Touch that collar again and I'll burn your hands so you can never use them again.'_

_My divination immediately confirmed that he wasn't joking and I desperately tried to keep myself from reaching up to my neck again. Still, even if I didn't move at all, I could barely breathe and begged him to take the collar off again, frantically gasping for air, but he just smiled and went away._

_I was left like this for weeks, not able to lie down to sleep any more and with Tobruk tormenting me by placing either my food or the bucket I had to use as toilet just slightly out of my reach._

_Until one day Richard ordered him to take me out for a job._

'Alex...'

I flinched when I heard Emily's voice and turned around to face her; I seemed to have nodded off for a while since I hadn't even noticed her entering the room.

'I'm sorry... What's wrong with you, Alex?'

'Nothing.'

'You were screaming.'

I could almost feel my cheeks turn a deep shade of red and turned away from Emily again; I knew that she just wanted to help, but I really would have preferred to be left alone now.

'I don't want to talk about it.'

'Is there anything I can do for you?' she asked shyly and I knew from the sound of her shoes on the floor that she had taken a step back as if she was afraid of me again.

Heaving a sigh I sat up, looked at her and shrugged.

'I don't know... Unless you've got a remedy against nightmares too?'

'When I was a child, my mum used to make hot chocolate for me whenever I had a nightmare – maybe this will help you as well?'

'Sounds wonderful,' I agreed and followed her into the kitchen.

'I can prepare it and bring it to your room if you don't want to wait, it will take some time,' she stated while she started chopping a bar of dark chocolate.

'I don't mind, I'm actually grateful to get out of there for a while...and it's nice having someone to talk to.'

She gave me one of her rare smiles and poured milk into a copper pot before she addressed me quietly.

'How did your conversation with Master Morden go? Did he accept your apology?'

'No...' I sighed. 'I probably added insult to injury... and I'm not sure what he's up to now.'

'Try not to upset him again,' Emily whispered, stirring the hot liquid on the stove without looking at me, 'For your own good.'

'What do you mean, _for your own good_?'

She took a cup from the cabinet, filled it and put it down in front of me.

'He likes you... but that will probably not keep him from punishing you.'

'He already indicated something like that,' I sighed, not keen on discussing the topic any further. 'Though right now this isn't my biggest problem...'

'What is it? If I'm allowed to ask?'

'I think I'm about to regain my magic... But please, Emily – promise you won't tell him.'

'She won't have to.'

Horrified, I turned around; standing in the doorway was Morden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [amaranthia-draws](https://amaranthia-draws.tumblr.com/) took the time to draw a picture of [Aurora](https://amaranthia-draws.tumblr.com/post/614300856739905536/aurora-for-philomena85-thank-you-for-letting-me) \- I'm just so in love, please take a look at her wonderful blog! <3


	11. Chapter 11

'Go on, please,' he smiled, walking over to me with his hands clasped behind his back.

Dressed in a black shirt with matching trousers he had nothing in common with the innocent looking man lying in his bed a few hours ago; the vulnerability had vanished completely and he was his usual confident self again.

'You just started talking about things that are of utmost interest for me.'

Lips pressed together tightly, I stared at him, not able to utter a single word.

'No? - Oh, Emily, could you get me a cup of hot chocolate too? It smells delicious... Ah, thank you. Now, Alexander, should we sit down and talk about what you've been trying to hide from me? Maybe...' He took a look Emily, then turned to me again, '...somewhere else?'

'I didn't hide anything from you,' I squeezed out, clinging to my cup and not moving an inch.

'Come with me,' he told me, ignoring what I just said, and gestured towards the library with a nod of his head.

'I'd rather not...,' I mumbled, but he kept his eyes fixed on me.

'This wasn't a question, Alexander.'

He turned around and left, obviously expecting me to follow him – which I did after considering the consequences of not doing so.

'Sit down,' he ordered, pointing at one of the armchairs standing in front of the window where we had our first conversation about my apprenticeship and took a seat in the opposite chair.

'Now tell me – how long have you been lying to me?'

His voice was calm but with an unmistakable undertone of threat.

'I-I didn't lie to you, I... it just came back when you...'

I bit my tongue; I didn't want him to see how scared I was but I couldn't even talk to him without stuttering. His threats expressed earlier this evening still lingered on my mind.

'Go on, please,' Morden requested expectantly, raising his eyebrows, but I just pressed my lips together and tried to avoid his gaze.

I couldn't tell him that my precognition had only started working after he had implied that he was going to torture me should I ever break the rules again – if he knew that this had been enough to scare the hell out of me, wouldn't he try to bring my magic back that way? Yes, I had been able to dodge his attack when I was leaving his bedroom, but I was sure that it had only been because he was still weak and injured back then. If he really made an effort he'd strike me down at the first attempt. And as soon as he realised that I kept failing, he'd try to _motivate_ me... Thinking about how I could avoid this, my mind came up blank. Even if I ran away at the next opportunity, he'd probably find me before I reached the next town to get help.

'Alexander.'

I looked up in confusion; lost in thought, I hadn't listened to him and now I didn't even know if he had asked me something. He leaned forward, gazing at me with his cold eyes. Hastily I turned my head, looking away.

From the corner of my eye I could see him getting up and walking over to me, bending over and grabbing my chin, lifting my head up.

'Look at me,' he ordered, his expression soft, but his voice a dangerous hiss.

Slowly, I turned around again; I was taller than him and this was actually the first time I had to look up to face him. My body tensed at the sight of his black eyes staring at me as if he was about to read my mind.

'Consider carefully what you're going to do now – don't try my patience any longer or you'll be very sorry.'

It felt like being struck by lightning when my precognition kicked in again and snippets of what was going to happen if I kept on defying him flooded my mind... I saw Morden dragging me down the hallway towards the dreaded torture chamber... saw myself kneeling on the ground with bound hands while he hit me with a cane... being blindfolded and locked in a cage, blood covering my naked body...

I started trembling but still I didn't dare to look away from him; it was my only chance to appease him, I knew that much.

'How long did you know you got your powers back?'

'O-only a few hours,' I muttered, 'When I came to y-your bedroom and you said you would-'

'What about the exercise?' he interrupted me.

'What do you-'

'Have you been able to predict the future when we were practising this afternoon?'

'No, master.'

The futures started to shift; the odds of getting tortured were fifty-fifty now and they seemed to develop in my favour given that I kept on being respectful and telling the truth.

'When did they occur for the very first time?'

I swallowed, hesitating; he'd find out immediately if I lied to him, but if I told the truth, chances were high that he would try to trigger my divination by hurting me nonetheless...

'Alexander...'

The warning undertone in his voice was unmistakable, his grip on my chin tightening. Once more I tried to explore the possible futures, failing because they started to blur, either because Morden had become indecisive or because I wasn't able to control my powers anymore. With my heart pounding wildly in my chest I decided to be honest.

'When I said that... I should've let you die,' I mumbled. 'After you told me what you'd do to me if...'

My voice broke and immediate I saw Morden's face soften; he slowly loosened his grip, finally letting go, straightened himself and sat down in his armchair.

'What were you feeling when you said that? And how did it differ from what you were feeling before?'

'I was angry... and scared. You know exactly what Richard did to me and still you talked about... locking me up in a cage and... _breaking me._ '

I had been staring at the floor, but now I looked up at him.

'Is this what my life will be like now?' I asked, already despising myself for my tearful voice; showing fear was the one thing you should never do when talking to a Dark mage, but in this regard I kept failing miserably today.

With an inscrutable expression Morden leaned back, his fingertips pressed together.

'Go back to bed, Alexander, there are some things I'll have to think about...'

*

I lay awake the whole night, staring at the dark ceiling, my mind revolving around the things Morden had said and what he was up to do now that he knew my secret. After seeing what he had been about to do to me if I had been lying to him I didn't dare to upset him ever again, so all I could do was trying to play nice and hoping that he wouldn't hurt me too badly. Still I couldn't help but wonder what the next day would bring; he wouldn't let the matter rest just like that and be content with having me study until my divination would return eventually. He'd try to trigger it. If I was lucky, he'd make me dodge his attacks while being blindfolded again, since our encounter in his bedroom had showed him that it could work if he just put enough pressure on me. But maybe I wouldn't be this lucky once again...

With the warm blanket and the soft mattress my bed had always been some kind of safe haven for me, but now I couldn't stop shivering violently, however much I tried. Nothing could save me as long as I was stuck in this mansion. Desperately longing for something to hold on to, I curled up in a ball, pressing my pillow against my chest.

*

Morning came; it was going to be a beautiful and sunny day, the birds were singing under a bright blue sky and right in front of my window some butterflies were fluttering around the flower buds. I hadn't slept at all, only dozing off now and then until it was time to get up.

Morden was already sitting at the breakfast table when I entered the dining room, smiling at me as if nothing had happened.

'Good morning, Alexander.'

'Good morning, master.'

He nodded approvingly and watched me while Emily poured me some tea.

I picked at the scrambled eggs in front of me, but I couldn't get myself to take more than a few bites.

'Is there something wrong with your food? Emily can prepare something else for you if you don't like it,' Morden offered, but I hurried to shake my head.

'No, it's fine, I'm just... a little bit tired, didn't sleep well last night.'

'Why is that?'

'Oh, erm... there must have been something prowling around in the garden, probably a badger or something... it was making strange noises that kept waking me up...'

'I didn't hear anything,' he stated with raised eyebrows; his voice didn't sound like he was making small talk anymore. If he suspected me of lying again...

'I'm a light sleeper, I tend to hear things others might even miss while they're awake.'

'Good morning, gentlemen!'

We both turned around to watch Aurora entering the room and sitting down across from Morden, beckoning Emily over and asking her for a double espresso, _nothing else, thank you very much_.

'Why are you up already?' she asked, turning to Morden and eyeing him from top to bottom, 'And fully dressed too!'

'I can't sleep all day or sit down at the breakfast table wearing my dressing gown when I've got a lady visitor, can I?' he smirked.

'But you don't mind doing so in front of male visitors?' she smiled, darting a glance at me.

'Alexander is my _apprentice_ , not my _visitor_.'

'So he's going to stay?'

'I assume he is,' Morden replied, glancing at me. 'If he doesn't decide to run away again, that is.'

'Maybe you should put him on a leash.'

I placed down my fork and clenched my fists under the table as they both started to laugh, but I didn't dare to look up from my plate.

'Don't worry, we're only joking, there's nothing to be afraid of,' Aurora assured me with a smirk while Morden shook his head in amusement, hiding his grin behind the coffee cup.

I would have liked nothing better than just getting up and returning to my room, but with his threats echoing in my ear and the things my precognition had made me see still way too present I knew better than to upset Morden, even if he acted so nicely while Aurora was around. Maybe it was for the best to just stay quiet for a while...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to finish this chapter, I hope it makes up for the long wait...
> 
> I also asked [Johix](https://johix.tumblr.com) to draw the scene of Morden and Alex sitting in the library together and I'm so glad she agreed :) You can find the picture [here](https://philomena85.tumblr.com/post/616652026182598656/thank-you-so-much-for-drawing-those-two-cuties) ! Check out her tumblr, it's totally worth it!


	12. Chapter 12

Aurora and Morden kept joking around all the time and I couldn't help thinking about how things must have been when they had been apprentices together. In fact, I had never seen Morden laugh this much ever before, except for the times when he had visited me in the book shop. With a faint sigh I cast my mind back to those days that felt like a lifetime ago, when he had come along ever so often, complimenting me, giving me presents and helping me out with money and food when I had been starving and about to lose my flat – only to lure me into this mansion and make me his... what? His apprentice? His slave? Right now it definitely felt more like the latter. He had promised that I could leave anytime, that I wouldn't have to do anything I didn't want to do, and now I was stuck in this house, forced into obedience under threat of torture and not allowed to go anywhere; in fact, I didn't know if I was still permitted to leave the mansion at all, even if it was only for a walk in the garden, but I knew that if I kept staying inside, I'd lose my mind sooner or later. Maybe if I asked him politely...? I cleared my throat.

'Master?'

'Yes, Alexander?'

'Am I allowed to take a walk around the garden?'

Noticing Morden's questioning look, I quickly added: 'Maybe some fresh air will help me concentrate...'

'Sure, fair enough. Just remember that you'll have to catch up with your studies.'

'He can take his books with him if he wants to?' Aurora chipped in, looking at me. 'There's a gazebo in the rose garden, it's a beautiful place, I'm sure you'd like it.'

I turned around to Morden, hoping against all hope that he'd agree.

'May I, master?'

'As long as you take good care of the books I have no objection. Go ahead if you like.'

Cautiously I got up, glancing at Morden for one last time only to see him nodding with a pleased smile on his face.

'You handle him pretty well,' I heard Aurora say when I left the room; interested in his answer, I stopped in the hallway, pressing myself against the wall so they couldn't see me from where they were seated.

'I'm doing my best,' Morden replied, 'But sometimes his behaviour is very annoying. Though I have to admit that it's gotten better lately.'

' _Lately_ meaning since you started threatening him? He was so scared that you might torture him...'

'His former master did that on a regular basis after he tried to run away... Though I really thought that he might have noticed by now that I'm not like Mage Drakh.'

'Why does he feel like he has to ask you if he's allowed to go outside, then?'

'He _does_ have to ask. I want him to take this seriously. He has to understand that obedience is an important part of the relationship between master and apprentice.'

'What are you going to do if that results in him hating you?'

Morden stayed quiet for a while before he replied.

'We didn't hate our master either, so why should he hate me just because I'm enforcing discipline?'

'Because he's such a sensitive boy,' Aurora sighed, 'We never were like that, Morden... We've been causing our master so much trouble and we still had a good time. Alex, though...'

'He'll be fine,' Morden replied brusquely.

'Just... don't be too hard on him.'

'I'm not being _too hard_ , it's just that he still has so much to learn... And I'm not only talking about his magic, but his attitude as a whole. He had been living on his own for over a year when I found him, avoiding any contact to other mages – and he's still not comfortable with our world. Apart from that... well, Mage Drakh might have taken some harsh measures to make Alexander obey, but in the end he didn't succeed. The boy is scared, but he still has issues with showing respect to superiors. You can't imagine his struggle when I tried to make him address me as 'master' – I never had this sort of problem with my former apprentices. But I feel confident that he'll eventually submit to me.'

'Because you'll hurt him if he doesn't?'

'Not as long as that can be avoided. If he does what is expected of him, he'll be granted additional liberties – if he doesn't and decides to revolt against me, the ones he already has will be taken away from him.'

Outside, I leant against the wall, feeling nauseated. He had lied to me when he had promised that I could leave whenever I wanted; now I knew that he never intended to let me go. My only chance to get away was the gate stone he had given to me; I had to practice a lot until I would be able to use my magic at will to activate it, but til then, I had to keep a low profile, trying not to upset him. With trembling hands, I headed for the library to get my books and withdrew into the garden; who knew when I would be allowed to go outside again...

*

'Making any progress?'

I jumped when I heard Morden's smooth baritone behind my back.

'Um... yes, I think so...'

'It shouldn't be so easy for me to sneak up on you then, don't you think?'

I tensed until I realised that he was smiling.

He walked around the gazebo, hesitating a second before he climbed the three steps that led inside where I sat on one of the benches, my books scattered across the table in the middle; judging by his facial expression, he still seemed to be in pain when exposed to physical exercise. I almost pitied him – that is, until I remembered all the things that happened in the last 24 hours. Morden sat down on a bench across from me, leaning back so his head rested on the gazebo's railing, breathing in the scent of the roses blooming all around us.

'It's a wonderful day, don't you think?'

'Yes, indeed. And I'm... grateful you allowed me to study here today, it's a beautiful place.'

'I have to admit that I didn't notice before how much you appreciate being outside, I rather had the impression that you preferred to seclude yourself from others in some... quiet corner.'

'No, I... like plants and... nature in general, it's... kind of peaceful. And animals are often... nicer than humans...,' I added quietly, looking down, avoiding his gaze.

Instead of scolding me, Morden just laughed.

'Okay, Alexander – it's time for another exercise,' he explained after a little while; he had seemed rather pleased while enjoying the sun on his pale face.

My breathing accelerated and my mouth went dry as I saw him placing a wooden box onto the table now, pushing the books aside.

'What's... this?' I asked anxiously.

'Open it.'

With trembling hands I tried to open the tiny golden clasp at the side, my first attempt failing. When I finally succeeded, I was taken aback for a second, staring disbelievingly at the chess board in front of me.

'I dare say that I am a very good chess player, but I have to admit that I never tried competing against a diviner. Time to change that, don't you think?'

'You want me to... play chess with you?'

'That's very obvious, don't you think?'

As soon as I started taking the chess pieces out of the box, Morden laughed again.

'Of course you're going for the white ones straight away, I might have guessed.'

'Oh, erm... I'm sorry, master, I didn't mean to ignore that you should be the one opening the game.'

'No, it's perfectly alright. Keep them. You know how to play, do you?'

'It's been a long time since my last game, but... yes, I know it.'

'Well then. Make your move.'

I gave my best and a few times I even managed to put him in check, but in the end Morden always won. I wasn't sure if he realised that I hadn't used my divination to foresee his moves, but he seemed to be satisfied with the outcome nonetheless, even if this hadn't been the general idea behind it.

'Well done, Alexander,' he praised, patting my shoulder encouragingly. 'We should do this every now and then, I think it's a good way to develop your skills.'

'But I... I didn't use them... I tried, but...'

'You probably couldn't because you were upset.'

I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. What was he getting at?

'I already figured out that certain emotions trigger your precognition while others seem to block it. It responds to situations that scare you – but instead of sparking a fight-or-flight response, it protects you by showing you what to do. Permanent fear, desperation and the like however have the opposite effect – you're so consumed by those feelings that your mind can't function properly anymore if the allegedly dangerous situation persists for too long. That's why I suggested this game – I wanted you to relax so you can concentrate on your magic again. You need to calm down, you're completely stressed out.'

_And who's fault is that?_ I wanted to shout at him, but I... couldn't. I  _was_ scared.

'When you were about to lose your flat you probably tried to find a solution using your divination, didn't you?'

I only nodded.

'But you failed. It didn't work. And you weren't able to retrieve it, no matter how hard you tried, right?'

'Yes...'

'We will work on that.'

The sheer thought of what this might include made my skin crawl. Still I took the line of least resistance, looking down at my hands as I whispered the words that had become my mantra.

'Yes, master.'


End file.
